Added to her tab
posted by Sybil Vane
Hey there! Good morning! Let me tell you what happened last night!
11pm, LV is asleep, she hasn't been feeling well. Had the pukes on Thursday at school, off and on nauseated and feverish since then, throat pain. Mr. V and I have finished our nightly whining about how all this sickness is dragging us down (we both had strep over the last two weeks, he never really got better and has some sort of gross tonsil abscess now) and we go out on the back porch on the way to bed to feed the CAT [it's sort of touching how this was a team activity, right?] [I definitely moved the fucking CAT with us, by the way]. We turn to go back inside and realize the door is locked. Of course, so is the front door. Most of the windows in this place are 10ft or more off the ground and are locked anyway.
So, to recap: 11 pm, sick kid locked inside, house dark, raining, Mr.V and I outside with CAT. I spend 10 minutes making the case that we should break the glass door in the back, Mr. V spends 15 minutes pretending he can figure out how to get in with a screwdriver, then pulls his blackberry out of his pocket (the only part of the story that involves improbable luck) and looks up 24 hr locksmiths. They tell us someone will be there in 15 and I continue wandering around the house pressing my ear to walls and windows to hear if LV is either screaming or choking to death on her own vomit. 45 minutes later, a 22 yr old kid rolls up in a BMW SUV, house music bumping. He gets out in a billowing cloud of cologne, apologizes for being stuck in traffic, mentions that he learned how to do this in the Israeli army, and, with his Ed Hardy underwear 2/3 of the way out of his stylish jeans and with his hair product glistening in the moon, he inserts some air bladders in the door jamb/way/whatever, inflates them and pops open the back door. I run in and verify that LV is breathing then immediately open a beer and sit on the floor, defeated. Mr.V pays him $75 and says, "Have fun tonight."
A careful reader of this story will recognize that it's all the CAT's fault.
11pm, LV is asleep, she hasn't been feeling well. Had the pukes on Thursday at school, off and on nauseated and feverish since then, throat pain. Mr. V and I have finished our nightly whining about how all this sickness is dragging us down (we both had strep over the last two weeks, he never really got better and has some sort of gross tonsil abscess now) and we go out on the back porch on the way to bed to feed the CAT [it's sort of touching how this was a team activity, right?] [I definitely moved the fucking CAT with us, by the way]. We turn to go back inside and realize the door is locked. Of course, so is the front door. Most of the windows in this place are 10ft or more off the ground and are locked anyway.
So, to recap: 11 pm, sick kid locked inside, house dark, raining, Mr.V and I outside with CAT. I spend 10 minutes making the case that we should break the glass door in the back, Mr. V spends 15 minutes pretending he can figure out how to get in with a screwdriver, then pulls his blackberry out of his pocket (the only part of the story that involves improbable luck) and looks up 24 hr locksmiths. They tell us someone will be there in 15 and I continue wandering around the house pressing my ear to walls and windows to hear if LV is either screaming or choking to death on her own vomit. 45 minutes later, a 22 yr old kid rolls up in a BMW SUV, house music bumping. He gets out in a billowing cloud of cologne, apologizes for being stuck in traffic, mentions that he learned how to do this in the Israeli army, and, with his Ed Hardy underwear 2/3 of the way out of his stylish jeans and with his hair product glistening in the moon, he inserts some air bladders in the door jamb/way/whatever, inflates them and pops open the back door. I run in and verify that LV is breathing then immediately open a beer and sit on the floor, defeated. Mr.V pays him $75 and says, "Have fun tonight."
A careful reader of this story will recognize that it's all the CAT's fault.
Posted at 5:43 AM
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