Landmarks in child development
posted by bitchphd
Everyone "oohs" and "aahs" over stupid bullshit like "baby's first steps" and "first day of school." Some of the traditional Big Moments actually are important, like "sleeps through night." But there are some vital rubicons that get no attention, and I am here to tell you, they are huge.
For instance. Potty training is nice and all? But what really matters is the day the kid starts to wipe its own ass. No longer having to get up in the middle of every damn meal to the cry of "Mama! Come wipe my butt!" is the moment when you've really transitioned out of babyhood.
Next up? Either "reads for pleasure" or "can make own lunch." Of the two, "reads for pleasure" is a much bigger deal. Being able to tell the kid to make his or her own damn sandwich is pretty fucking sweet, but nothing beats a kid that will sit quietly for hours on end without the accompaniment of that insidious music from the Mario games.
Another nice one is "bathes self." No more aching back from bending over the tub. No more having to share your shower with someone who thinks it's fun to spray you in the face with the detachable showerhead. Having to wipe up the bathroom floor with the mat is a small price to pay for an hour of the kid playing in the bath while you read a book.
"Bikes to and from school" is a little anticlimactic. While it's awesome to be able to kick the kid out the door in the morning and go right back to your coffee cup without having to do the roundtrip drive, it's really annoying to realize that you're the only parent who thinks her kid is capable of navigating the big bad world on his or her own. While the kid gets a big boost of confidence from being the first in her or his class to do this, we all know that developmental milestones are really about parents regaining our freedom step by step. I can't wait until Pseudonymous Kid's peers also have permission to transport themselves around town and I'm freed from the burdens of "schlepping kids to and from playdates" and "mama, I'm bored, there's no one to play with, let's DO something."
This post brought to you by my having solved PK's boredom problem by reading him half of the first chapter of Neil Gaiman's Graveyard Book aloud, then handing him the book and telling him I wasn't going to read him the rest of it.
For instance. Potty training is nice and all? But what really matters is the day the kid starts to wipe its own ass. No longer having to get up in the middle of every damn meal to the cry of "Mama! Come wipe my butt!" is the moment when you've really transitioned out of babyhood.
Next up? Either "reads for pleasure" or "can make own lunch." Of the two, "reads for pleasure" is a much bigger deal. Being able to tell the kid to make his or her own damn sandwich is pretty fucking sweet, but nothing beats a kid that will sit quietly for hours on end without the accompaniment of that insidious music from the Mario games.
Another nice one is "bathes self." No more aching back from bending over the tub. No more having to share your shower with someone who thinks it's fun to spray you in the face with the detachable showerhead. Having to wipe up the bathroom floor with the mat is a small price to pay for an hour of the kid playing in the bath while you read a book.
"Bikes to and from school" is a little anticlimactic. While it's awesome to be able to kick the kid out the door in the morning and go right back to your coffee cup without having to do the roundtrip drive, it's really annoying to realize that you're the only parent who thinks her kid is capable of navigating the big bad world on his or her own. While the kid gets a big boost of confidence from being the first in her or his class to do this, we all know that developmental milestones are really about parents regaining our freedom step by step. I can't wait until Pseudonymous Kid's peers also have permission to transport themselves around town and I'm freed from the burdens of "schlepping kids to and from playdates" and "mama, I'm bored, there's no one to play with, let's DO something."
This post brought to you by my having solved PK's boredom problem by reading him half of the first chapter of Neil Gaiman's Graveyard Book aloud, then handing him the book and telling him I wasn't going to read him the rest of it.
Labels: kids, parenting, Pseudonymous Kid, reading
Posted at 11:33 AM
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