WHYAMITAKINGCAREOFAFUCKINGCATIHATECATS
posted by Sybil Vane
Ok, so right off the bat I want to go on the record saying fuck cats. Seriously. Fuck their superiority and their disgusting saliva hormones or whatever that makes me sneeze and their aloofness. Fuck their tenacious attachment to the cliches of academic, feminist, blogger - get OUT of my identity categories, cats! Fuck them for being pissy and inflexible and generally uninteresting. That's how I feel.
Ok, so. My friend here in this town I live in sees a kitten being throw out of a truck window on her street. A moving truck. And being the bleeding heart cat lover that she is, she goes and scoops it up and snuggles it and gives it food. Christ. But she can't take it in because she has a cranky old cat that will eat it alive. See aforementioned reasons to hate cats. So she calls me and is all, "Sybil, this kitty she's so sweeeeeeet and snugggggly and your daughter can have a pet and you have that BIG garage that she can basically live in until she is a little older and then just come and go, yadda yadda." On and on she goes and because she is slick and I am weak, I assent.
So she brings over this cat, which is - and again, FUCK cats - sort of great looking in a Siamese-y, buttery silver, blue-eyed, punk rock kind of way. Whatever, it's adorable, I admit it. No one ever said kittens are not without their wiley ways. So we give it some food and it, like, snuggles us and purrs and does all sorts of kitten-y things. And the next thing I know I am taking it to the vet and blowing great wads of cash getting shots and listening to the sales pitch about various heart worm products. That whole vet trip was, like, 10% substance, 90% commercial. And so it's bad enough that I am feeding it and vaccinating it, but I have found myself deciding not to let it roam freely outside of the garage area until after it has its second rabies shot. So here I am actually *protecting* it. Gah.
So anyway, there it is. Taking care of a fucking cat. That my kid named Sofia. And which is good looking. I swear to Christ I will never post a picture of the thing though.
*I know someone is going to comment about how inhumane it is to keep an outside cat and how they have way shorter life spans and all of that. To which let me pre-emptively reply that I fucking hate cats, so I don't really care.
Ok, so. My friend here in this town I live in sees a kitten being throw out of a truck window on her street. A moving truck. And being the bleeding heart cat lover that she is, she goes and scoops it up and snuggles it and gives it food. Christ. But she can't take it in because she has a cranky old cat that will eat it alive. See aforementioned reasons to hate cats. So she calls me and is all, "Sybil, this kitty she's so sweeeeeeet and snugggggly and your daughter can have a pet and you have that BIG garage that she can basically live in until she is a little older and then just come and go, yadda yadda." On and on she goes and because she is slick and I am weak, I assent.
So she brings over this cat, which is - and again, FUCK cats - sort of great looking in a Siamese-y, buttery silver, blue-eyed, punk rock kind of way. Whatever, it's adorable, I admit it. No one ever said kittens are not without their wiley ways. So we give it some food and it, like, snuggles us and purrs and does all sorts of kitten-y things. And the next thing I know I am taking it to the vet and blowing great wads of cash getting shots and listening to the sales pitch about various heart worm products. That whole vet trip was, like, 10% substance, 90% commercial. And so it's bad enough that I am feeding it and vaccinating it, but I have found myself deciding not to let it roam freely outside of the garage area until after it has its second rabies shot. So here I am actually *protecting* it. Gah.
So anyway, there it is. Taking care of a fucking cat. That my kid named Sofia. And which is good looking. I swear to Christ I will never post a picture of the thing though.
*I know someone is going to comment about how inhumane it is to keep an outside cat and how they have way shorter life spans and all of that. To which let me pre-emptively reply that I fucking hate cats, so I don't really care.
Posted at 5:41 PM
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