ding and doom

I couldn't sleep last night.
At M-'s place, I tossed and turned, waking up at 2, 3, 4 and finally 5 am. I dressed, got my bag together and sat back on the bed waiting for M- to turn over. He walked me downstairs and gave me a big hug, whispering, 'Things will be ok today. They'll be ok.'

I think I mumbled 'I know,' or something inadequate, and walked to the bus that would take me to the train that would take me home.

I'm at work now and everyone is silent. There's no chit chat. No 'Hey, what did you do last night?' Just silence.

I hope I get my pink slip by noon so I can go home and cry in private. (I haven't cried this whole month; I've been tamping down my emotions just so I could get through this and get the work done. Rather, I've been letting my anger float up. But something's bound to crack.)

I've also decided that I'm done with the non profit sector. My search strategy will be to Embrace Evil, to identify and work for the most badass corporate entity I can find in the region, make an obscene (for me) amount of money and not look back. Maybe I'll even change my political party and sell out completely. Hell, I'm almost 40; time for a change.

Really. I'm done.
Suggestions welcome.