Hostages to Fortune
posted by taddyporter
During one of the recent floggings, the subject of cookie-cutter lives came up with respect to the structure of people's families and households and domestic arrangements.
A certain amount of fright and anger, which often amount to the same thing, was expressed over the flamboyant configuration of the House of B. The apparent indifference of Dr B and Mr B and the Connoiseur to the ma-pa-kid-kid-dog-cat-cable-TV household setup seemed jarring to notions of the ideal or, at least, preferred family constellation.
I wouldn't even mention the more titillating aspects of their arrangement except that its, well, titillating. How they can sleep with more people than they have a right to and still maintain a loving relationship all around is a puzzle to a lot of us. Its not as puzzling as why so few people want to sleep with good old taddyporter but that's the subject of another post.
Anyway, it got me to thinking: There's all this uproar in defense of the cookie-cutter life and yet, how many of us actually live it? I don't doubt that the ma-pa-kid-kid model predominates in the popular imagination but how many of us live in households that are modeled that way down to the last bunkbed?
For one thing, I don't even think that model is the most common type, is it? Isn't the single person household the most common type? Just what are those people up to behind closed doors?
There are plenty of households made up of childless couples. Do they pose a threat to the social order?
Many of those childless couples are gay and lesbian. And many gay and lesbian couples have children. Do either of these arrangements hinder the lives of the ideal American family?
When I think about the households of my friends, I realize there is a wide spectrum of arrangements. My best friend lives with his wife and three small grandchildren. Several of my friends, men and women, are single parents. One of my brothers is divorced and his two boys divide their time between his house and their mother's house. One of my cousins is divorced and her boys stay in the same house all the time, the parents rotating in and out at bi-weekly intervals.
My unmarried stepdaughter lives with her adopted seven-year old boy. She has three roomates, men, who watch over her son and her with a paternal devotion that could not be greater if they were all the same blood. And no, she's not sleeping with any of them. Just so there's no misunderstanding.
My own household would not meet the criteria for the Great American Family. Talk about your jarring configurations. An aged auntie, a grouchy middle-aged (that's right, middle-aged) man, a twenty three year old niece with a six year old son and another niece, eighteen years old. And two dogs. And three cats. And cable TV.
Even among families with more conventional arrangements, I bet there are periods where they deviate from convention. Demands of work seperate the spouses for stretches of time. A relative or friend down on their luck is taken in. The family has to move across country and stays with grandma and grandpa while they get themselves settled in a new house. A house burns down and the kids are farmed out to the relatives while things are put back in order. Or the kids are sent to stay with relatives over the summer. Stuff like that.
The point is, families and households are an adaptation. The problems and demands of life are fairly uniform but their solutions, if not infinite, are pretty diverse. A practical solution for my family may be completely impractical for yours. The key is not whether our families look the same but whether our families are each happy and healthy and ready to meet the demands of the day.
So, my reader, what about you? Is your family upholding the ordinances of Providence or are you experimenting with your own arrangements? And if you are, can I come for supper?
A certain amount of fright and anger, which often amount to the same thing, was expressed over the flamboyant configuration of the House of B. The apparent indifference of Dr B and Mr B and the Connoiseur to the ma-pa-kid-kid-dog-cat-cable-TV household setup seemed jarring to notions of the ideal or, at least, preferred family constellation.
I wouldn't even mention the more titillating aspects of their arrangement except that its, well, titillating. How they can sleep with more people than they have a right to and still maintain a loving relationship all around is a puzzle to a lot of us. Its not as puzzling as why so few people want to sleep with good old taddyporter but that's the subject of another post.
Anyway, it got me to thinking: There's all this uproar in defense of the cookie-cutter life and yet, how many of us actually live it? I don't doubt that the ma-pa-kid-kid model predominates in the popular imagination but how many of us live in households that are modeled that way down to the last bunkbed?
For one thing, I don't even think that model is the most common type, is it? Isn't the single person household the most common type? Just what are those people up to behind closed doors?
There are plenty of households made up of childless couples. Do they pose a threat to the social order?
Many of those childless couples are gay and lesbian. And many gay and lesbian couples have children. Do either of these arrangements hinder the lives of the ideal American family?
When I think about the households of my friends, I realize there is a wide spectrum of arrangements. My best friend lives with his wife and three small grandchildren. Several of my friends, men and women, are single parents. One of my brothers is divorced and his two boys divide their time between his house and their mother's house. One of my cousins is divorced and her boys stay in the same house all the time, the parents rotating in and out at bi-weekly intervals.
My unmarried stepdaughter lives with her adopted seven-year old boy. She has three roomates, men, who watch over her son and her with a paternal devotion that could not be greater if they were all the same blood. And no, she's not sleeping with any of them. Just so there's no misunderstanding.
My own household would not meet the criteria for the Great American Family. Talk about your jarring configurations. An aged auntie, a grouchy middle-aged (that's right, middle-aged) man, a twenty three year old niece with a six year old son and another niece, eighteen years old. And two dogs. And three cats. And cable TV.
Even among families with more conventional arrangements, I bet there are periods where they deviate from convention. Demands of work seperate the spouses for stretches of time. A relative or friend down on their luck is taken in. The family has to move across country and stays with grandma and grandpa while they get themselves settled in a new house. A house burns down and the kids are farmed out to the relatives while things are put back in order. Or the kids are sent to stay with relatives over the summer. Stuff like that.
The point is, families and households are an adaptation. The problems and demands of life are fairly uniform but their solutions, if not infinite, are pretty diverse. A practical solution for my family may be completely impractical for yours. The key is not whether our families look the same but whether our families are each happy and healthy and ready to meet the demands of the day.
So, my reader, what about you? Is your family upholding the ordinances of Providence or are you experimenting with your own arrangements? And if you are, can I come for supper?
Posted at 7:35 PM
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