Pseudonymous Kid thinks CSPAN is boring

We are, natch, listening to the endless DNC discussion of what to do about the Florida and Michigan delegates via the wonders of CSPAN online.

Pseudonymous Kid, natch, says (in about the fourth hour of our listening) that "this is BORING!"

In a burst of sudden brilliance, I realized that I could explain to him what's going on *and* address a problem I'm (he's) having in his hippy Open Classroom-style school, to wit, his refusal to participate in Magic Circle. Magic Circle, you see, is where after Snack Recess all the kids sit in a circle and take turns sharing Appreciations and Concerns. I.e., things like "I like that so-and-so is my friend," or "I didn't like that so-and-so wouldn't play with me," and it gives the teachers a chance to find out about playground spats, to validate kids' feelings, to do a little conflict resolution, and to move the kids away from things like endlessly saying, day after day, that they're all glad that Most Popular Kid is their friend and towards things that are more inclusive, that "don't cut off possibilities" of friendship or play with others, etc.

In practice, this is excruciatingly boring, since second and third graders are not practiced at expressing themselves clearly and concisely. One frequently feels, impatiently, that Valuable Instructional Time is being squandered (the teacher, of whom I am a big fan, has limited the kids to two statements per circle, and came up with the idea that we don't begin until most of the class has raised their hands, indicating that they know what they want to say). Pseudonymous Kid, who is used to being listened to but, being single and somewhat spoiled, is not used to listening to others so well, often refuses to participate and wanders off to read a book or to conduct physics experiments with the blocks (if I make a ramp, will the big round block roll down it more slowly than the small round block? Surprisingly, no!).

In theory, I am fine with his doing this, if he is not disruptive; after all, he is learning things rather than dealing with the admittedly dull task of sitting in a circle listening to his semi-articulate peers (he himself is semi-articulate when it comes to saying things clearly and concisely, after all) talk about stuff that doesn't directly concern him. In practice, I'm growing increasingly impatient with his refusal to participate in any school event, whether it's Magic Circle or today's writing assignment, that doesn't appeal to him, and with the way that the school's child-centered philosophy lets him get away with this sort of thing.

At the same time, though, I'm trying to respect the fact that his teacher, who shares my feeling that the school's preference to motivate kids without resorting to punishment or bribes has, in many ways, been fetishized to the point where it undermines the teachers' ability to teach, seems pretty comfortable with PK's independent streak. (I am actually immensely grateful that the teacher is as understanding of PK as he is; he's far more patient with PK's classroom behavior than I am myself.) Still, though, I've talked to the teacher about this and he agrees that yes, PK needs to learn to be a little more patient and respectful.

So. It suddenly hit me that his impatience with CSPAN is both completely normal for young kids (and the vast majority of grownups) and a perfect opportunity to explain something about the political process to him as well as to explain something about what it means to grow up and to learn how to work with other people.

"They are boring," I said, laughing. "But they're boring for the same reason Magic Circle is boring. What's happening here is that the Democratic Party is trying to decide what to do with the votes from two states that didn't follow the rules. They were not supposed to have their primaries early, but they went ahead and did it anyway. The party said that if states had their primaries before they were supposed to, candidates shouldn't be on those ballots, and Obama* took his name off the ballot. Now the party is trying to decide if the votes of people who didn't have a chance to vote for him will count, or if those people shouldn't get a vote at all.

"Before the party votes about what to do, it's important for everyone to have a chance to say what they think. So it's just like Magic Circle: yeah, it can be boring, but it's important to listen to what everyone has to say."

Later on, I went outside to check on the sorbet I'm making on the patio, and while I was bent over PK poured a bottle of cold water down the back of my pants. So then we also got to have a conversation about how some things that are cutely naughty when very young children who don't know better do them, are no longer cutely naughty when older kids do them, and that he is old enough to know this. Just when you think how fabulous it is that you can explain parlimentary process to your brilliant child, he comes along to remind you that brilliance /= emotional maturity....



*PK's preferred candidate.

A generation of bugs

This morning, I stepped out into the delightful sunshine and marvelled at the blue sky and the spring breeze. And I squinted. Because that's what you do when it's really, really bright. And then I decided that even though I've declared a moratorium on spending, I was going to go buy a pair of sunglasses because I have to work today, on a Saturday, instead of doing something fun like laying in the grass or going to the beach. And buying consumer goods makes me feel better, okay? Suck it.

It seems like these oversized sunglasses are the only ones that are available fucking anywhere for the last, oh, four years or so. And they just don't look right on me, man. I have a small face, but not in that delightfully-petite-woman kinda way. And I do not want to look like a bug. I think perhaps it is time to reintroduce some non-oversized sunglass styles into the cheap-cute-and-youngish sunglass oeuvre.

But I decided sunglasses are not important enough for me to be doing "shopping around" for them, so I just bought a goddamn $15 pair of the (fake) tortoiseshell oversized ones and upon examining myself in the rearview mirror of my car, they did look kinda cute.

It's 75.9 degrees, and I am wearing a tank top and loose shorts and I have cute sunglasses, and the humidity is low and so my hair looks great and here I am. In the office. With no window. And a cup of coffee. Alone.

Sigh.

Kick Ass

Guess who all has gotten press credentials to the Democratic convention?

Your bitch collective, that's who. We demand congratulations.

(We don't yet know how *many* credentials we'll get. But still.)

In or Out?

You should read this, about the "new" story that CNN's corporate management determined news content in the run-up to the war. What was in the news had more to do with what the bosses thought would be profitable than with what the reporters thought should be put out there.

In a week, I'll be going to the National Conference for Media Reform, which I've been feeling a little odd about--I'm not sure this blog is a "news" source, though when I think about it, I think it's the kind of thing that should be on the "lifestyle" pages, rather than dumbass corporate fluff about which products to buy and which rich people to emulate. But regardless, I am very interested in the subject of "the media," and how content gets determined, and how audiences get defined, and the overarching and always-present problem (really, from the very beginning) of profitability, which has meant "advertisers" for 300 years now.

As I'm filling out loan applications, and with the memory of filing our taxes not too far back (and as I'm making "better choices" about my health, and actively trying to support the education of not just PK, but all the kids in his classroom--including one little girl who I just adore that I've been helping learn to read with the proffered reward of a skating trip at the end of the year), I've been thinking lately about how my *own* ability to Do the Right Thing has a fair bit to do with my privileged economic position as the stay-home wife of a well-paid professional, and my privileged educational position as a woman who's been highly educated in critical thinking (and has been teaching it for something like 15 years now, in various ways). "Opting out," to use a much-deprecated term, seems to make it a lot easier to "opt in", ironically.

Or maybe I should put it the other way round: "opting in" to Doing the Right Thing (or trying to) is a hell of a lot easier if you "opt out" of Doing the Successful Thing (or trying to). It's quite the conundrum, especially as you get older and have children.

All of which is to say that being critical doesn't pay well. Given the state of The Economy, this is a problem; given the economic realities of modern life that feminism's been pointing out to us for a long time now, it's also a problem if/when women take advantage of its being easier for us to opt out in order to opt in. A lot of good shit gets done by people who are un- or underpaid. Which should be okay--money's only one measure of value--except that American reality means the folks doing that work (I'm not thinking of myself here) are At Risk--and we all know how America treats people who take bad risks that don't pay off.

No conclusion. Just thinking out loud.

Trickle Down

The other day, Mr. Vane looks at me writing and says, "Where did you get that pen?"

"How the hell should I know?" I answer.

Turns out is is *his* pen. And he has been looking for it. I find this hard to comprehend. "Where," he eventually asks, "do you think pens come from?"

This question (which was not but should've been followed by "Do you think they grow on trees?") was fascinating to me because I realized I've not really any idea where pens come from. I don't think I've ever purchased pens. Ever. And yet I have more or less always had one when I needed it.

So I thought for a few seconds and realized that I've never considered individuals to be in ownership of pens (fancy engraved pens excepted). Basically, what I assume happens is that offices (of companies, doctors, university departments, whatever) buy a big quantity of pens every year and that they serve as the source for the distribution of pens throughout society. I need a pen, I go to the main office in my department. I assume Mr. Vane does something similar. Its the trickle-down theory of pens, especially in the sense that one never really owns the pen, it just stops with you for a spell before re-entering circulation.

So lately I've been thinking about how it doesn't really work this way, but should. I'll probably continue to operate as though it does. Thank god I personally have never had to think about actually buying pens. Worse than batteries almost.

(The first week of summer is designated for intellectual laziness, right?)

Retrospect

Funny how clarity seems to be hampered by paychecks.


The administration "confused" pro-war propaganda with honest address of the public?

McClellan never spoke up with policy objections while serving as Bush's adviser?

Tell me something I don't know.

Memorializing

I had a great holiday weekend. Yoga Friday, Saturday, and Sunday; felt really strong. Cat naps in the afternoons Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. Trips for ice cream, leisurely morning at botanical gardens, some French Open coverage, and a cook-out with close friends yesterday, which involved bocce, excellent nw recipes for potato salad and strawberry/cream cheese pie, and a pretty cut-throat water balloon fight. No work at all.

Lovely lovely lovely. Which is great. I haven't allowed myself a weekend, let alone a long one, without work in ages and I'm thrilled that this one was filled with such canonical relaxation.

But then last night I got hung up on the non-Memorial Day-ness of it all. I didn't spend any time doing or thinking anything about nation or patriotism or war or service. It wasn't even all that American in that we didn't buy any consumer goods on holiday sale.

I wonder to how many people my age-ish Memorial Day signifies as something other than the start of summer. That is its own ritual, of course, and I like marking the seasons with event-ness, but there certainly isn't anything especially somber r reflective about it. I have never had any peers mar the holiday with anything that veered towards reflection, nor do I remember my parents ever doing as much, and they are fairly conservative people.

I don't mean this to be either a lament or a trivialization of what Memorial Day does, in theory, mark. I just mean it as an observation that there is a wide gap between what the holiday should, nominally, be about, and how I always have experienced it; and, more interestingly, that I've have never known anyone or anything that tries to problematize that gap.

holiday surprise

“The Cardoza 40″: Exodus of Clinton Delegates Begins

This was a stunner.

From The Field:
"The Field has learned that [US Rep. Dennis] Cardoza is the first of a group of at least 40 Clinton delegates, many of them from California, that through talking among themselves came to a joint decision that all of them would vote for Obama at the convention. They have informed Senator Clinton that it’s time to unite around Obama, and that they will be coming out, one or two at a time, and announcing their switch between now and the convention if Senator Clinton doesn’t do the same."

'don't catch the baby!'

am i crazy?
the italy trip is in a scant 5 days and i'm just sort of puttering about, making random lists in my head of 'to-dos', but i haven't done a single thing, yet, except buy a really great leather bag.

my friends are frantically burning CDs, shipping books, making lists of local sights, finding grocery stores, poring over maps, copying down recipes, or blurting out random italian phrases at each other.

('Non interferisca il bambino!' ok, i'll be honest. that's just me and Roomie saying that.)

meanwhile, i'm making stick figure sketches of my Italy outfits, imagining that i'm going to roll off an international flight looking JUST LIKE that!

lame. i should be buying more tampons in preparation for the menstruation tsunami that shall engulf me while crossing the Piazza Pave.

5 days. so excited.

(oh, and i really should review that list of great suggestions y'all sent me. yeah. i should get on that.)

[Updated to add something of substance: over at Racialicious, they've started a nifty new counter-campaign, redoing those retro-sexist Canadian Club ads. You know, the ones that say stuff like "Your Mom Wasn't Your Dad's First." Yeah...good times. Check them out and maybe redo an ad of your own.]

Heroine of the Week. Or maybe Year.

Officer Jiang Xiaojuan breastfeeds starving quake orphans

I am perplexed by CNN's decision to hyphenate "breast-feed" throughout this article, but am otherwise entirely moved by this kickass police officer, who is herself fairly nonchalant about her heroism:

"I am breast-feeding, so I can feed babies. I didn't think of it much," she said. "It is a mother's reaction, and a basic duty as a police officer to help."

Maybe intuitive but definitely heroic.

Feminism 201

Flea says it, short and sweet.

I may not always appreciate their rhetoric, I may object to their tone, I may not agree with statements they make, but I absolutely know one thing - if I desperately needed help, these women would help me, no strings attached. I can't say the same for very many other groups of people.

I also wonder what fucking course it is that's asking students to write essays about how "Radical Feminism" (note caps!) "has hurt feminism as a whole." I've taught some writing courses in my time, and asking students to write an essay with a predetermined conclusion is pretty fucking lame.

A sincere question

Has *any* previous presidential candidate bothered to go talk to a Native group? Or to say things like this?

The bond that I would like to create between an Obama administration and the nations all across this country, the government-to-government relationship that is so critical, is something that is going to be a top priority under my administration, and I want all of you to know how important it is to me.

I often talk about how the needs of the American people are going unmet by Washington. Well, few have been ignored by Washington for as long as the Native Americans; the first Americans. Too often, Washington has paid lip service to working with tribes while taking a one-size fits all approach to tribal communities all across the nation. That will change when I am president of the United States.

That said, my token Indian blogger friend is not a big Obama fan. But he also thinks Obama is kind of deracinated, which I think is wrong. So.

In any case, lacking any better knowledge, I'm going to be impressed that the Obama campaign thought that it was important enough to say something about, and to, Indians that they arranged for this visit and photo op.

who gets to be american? a jeremiad.

Well, according to Kathleen Parker, it's all about the blood.

From her column:

It’s about blood equity, heritage and commitment to hard-won American values. And roots. Some run deeper than others and therein lies the truth of Fry’s political sense. In a country that is rapidly changing demographically — and where new neighbors may have arrived last year, not last century — there is a very real sense that once-upon-a-time America is getting lost in the dash to diversity.
We love to boast that we are a nation of immigrants. But there’s a different sense of America among those who trace their bloodlines back through generations of sacrifice.

It's the blood that somehow conveys heritage, values, national identity and civic belonging. If you don't have the right kind of 'blood' then you're not a 'real' American. You're a wannabe, a poser, a fake. You have no claim on this American birthright because you aren't 'pure-blooded' American. You're a mutt, impure, Other.

Is any of this ringing anyone's bells? Even without graduate degrees in history?

Because we should know about bloodlines and blood spilt for sacrifice. Sweet holy jesus, this Parker woman dares to tell anyone in this country (who isn't white) that the sacrifices their families were forced to make because they were Other in this great country of 'opportunity' and 'plenty' don't count.

Who hasn't sacrificed to be an American? Who?
Have black people not sacrificed?
Have the Chinese not sacrificed?
Have the Japanese not sacrificed?
Have the Native Americans, for god's sake, not sacrificed?
Have the Mexicans and the South Asians not sacrificed?

All our histories in the past two hundred years have been litanies of the sacrifice and 'blood' of Others. Why does our 'blood' not count and other 'blood' does?

This column so infuriated me, the only thing that could make me feel good about my anger was this Lincoln quote:

"Our progress in degeneracy appears to me to be pretty rapid. As a nation, we began by declaring that 'all men are created equal.' We now practically read it 'all men are created equal, except negroes.' When the Know-Nothings get control, it will read 'all men are created equal, except negroes, and foreigners, and catholics.' When it comes to this I should prefer emigrating to some country where they make no pretence of loving liberty — to Russia, for instance, where despotism can be taken pure, and without the base alloy of hypocracy."

Oh, Abe. If you only knew.

I knew this election season would bring out people's subterranean ugliness, the thoughts that whisper around their heads they would never dare bring out into the light, but I thought folks would treat this historical moment with a little bit more class. How naive of me. Once again, the white supremacist underpinnings of this country have jumped the leash.

You are killing me, America!

I keep giving you chances; I keep thinking, this isn't everyone. It's the media; it's some snaggle-toothed nutter living in the woods; it's just some run of the mill white person who doesn't know any people of color so they're just sort of stupid; or it's Fox News (see nutter). But this came out in a nationally syndicated column. This piece of xenophobic, nativist trash (which reads no different from the xenophobic, nativist trash from the 19th and early 20th centuries) was approved by someone. Someone's lizard brain read this and thought, 'Eh, what's the big deal? It's just an op-ed.'

Gah! America, if you were a person standing in front of me I'd slap you!

Pat Buchanan wants me to 'be grateful.' He wants me to shut up and be grateful I live in a place that suffers from the worst case of degenerate racism, a place that makes no significant movement toward recognition of or reconciliation for its white supremacist past. But here's our chance! Here's a moment - a gorgeous, breathtaking moment! And what do we do with this moment? We say he is not (and by extension, we are not - I am not) a 'full-blooded American'!

Oh, America, you make we wanna holler!

I can't be grateful when I keep waiting for this country to grow. the fuck. up. I keep waiting for it to do some frakking introspection. Look back at our history and make some little effort to change. But this country, rather than look backward with a critical and regretful eye, looks behind like Lot's wife and can't feel its limbs turning to salt.

[h/t: Too Sense: Oh, Hell No.
And here's that excellent post back in March on the Buchanan 'black gratitude' mess at Obsidian Wings.]

If your name is Sybil Vane, do not read this

But for everyone else, Sedaris's recent essay about smoking is marvelous.

Sunday is a day of rest

Peggy Orenstein's very thoughtful short piece about the Clinton candidacy, I think, gets it exactly right. (And fwiw, I think the exact same piece could be written about Obama and the monkey tshirts, the West Virginia vote, and yes, obviously, the Clinton campaign's own race baiting. Maybe such a piece has already been written; if so, please link.)

Orenstein pins down the thing that's been frustrating me so much about the Clinton/misogyny stuff: it's very simple, and yet it seems so difficult to say or see it clearly. It isn't that the misogyny is the only reason people oppose Clinton, or that it's inherently misogynist to oppose her, or that people pointing out the misogyny of most opposition to her are saying that opposing her is inevitably misogynist--nor is it that that misogyny is a good reason to vote for her (it's not, although it's very understandable why people would have that reaction).

It's that people seem by and large unable to express opposition to her without resorting to misogyny. And that this is terribly, terribly depressing--and offensive, if you happen to be a woman. (Or if you are one of those very rare men who is offended by this sort of thing. I have to admit that I don't think I've spoken to a single man like that this election season, I'm sorry to say.)

And maybe it's true that, given the astonishing amount of misogynist crap that's been mixed in with opposing Clinton, that some of us women have indeed gotten to the point where iffy things, like Powers's "monster" remark, read to us as unarguably sexist when, if we weren't so sensitized, they wouldn't. Maybe. But the fact is, that pile of misogynist bullshit *is* there, and having "well-meaning" people force you to trot patiently through explanations that "no, it's not a Big deal, and mmmmmmaybe this one instance could be said not to be sexist, but" every single time is *itself* part of the problem with sexism: that you have to prove that you're not just being all knee-jerky, that you're not "irrational" or "oversensitive," and by the way, "irrational" and "oversensitive" are sexist dismissals too, you realize, etc. etc.

It's just a huge, huge burden, seeing and hearing this crap. It sucks when people you love and respect don't notice that you're carrying it around. It sucks more when you say something about it and get told that it's not there, or that it is there but you're wrong about *this* being part of it, or that it's not *their* fault. Always, always, some version of "that's not what's important right now." Which is itself, of course, part of the burden.

That kind of thing is hard to explain to daughters *and* sons. I've been futzing with a conclusion to this post for about half an hour now, and it seems sort of pat, but I think it boils down to teaching kids--and ourselves--how to express, and accept, expressions of empathy and regret. How to say "I'm sorry" when it's not your fault, and how to hear "I'm sorry" when you're hurt or angry. Strangely, kids do usually seem to be pretty good at this: "Mama, I'm sorry you're so tired." I think we tend to blow them off when they do that--"thanks, honey, but it's not your fault." And when they're upset, we tend to run right past "I'm sorry" into "let me fix it" (or tell them how to fix it). When they make a mistake, we tend to demand that they apologize, immediately: "I'm sorry" becomes basically a public acknowledgment of being shamed. No wonder it becomes so hard to say. No wonder having your feelings hurt tends to become hard to separate from anger.

I feel like I should be able to sum up what this means, or what to do about it. Or that I should go back and edit to more carefully draw out the stuff I see hanging around in the subtext.

But I think instead I'm going to shut up and letting you draw your own conclusions.

Help

I heard a devastating statistic on NPR yesterday. 10 days after the 2004 Asia Tsunami, internet donations totaled $7 million. 10 days after the Myanmar cyclone, $620,000.

I think there are a few reasons for this. One is timing: the 2004 tsunami happened the day after Christmas, when people are more likely to be in a generous spirit than at the onset of summer. Another is racism: the tsunami impacted areas that westerners frequent on vacation, and the news footage often showed American and Europeans running from water (I was one of them).
But I think the biggest reason might be the extent to which media coverage of the cyclone has emphasized the military government's disallowal of aid workers in and aid shipments. People don't give because they think it is futile.

I'm sure this is true of a lot of organizations, but AmeriCares is on the ground distributing aid in Myanmar. It's just one example, you can find your own or leave it in the comments if you'd prefer to give to another organization. Please do give, though. Maybe you have leftover stimulus money? I gave all the money I received for graduation, because I cannot think of a more honorable product of higher education than a heightened sense of one's global responsibility.

Kidding Oneself

On an effectiveness scale, 10 being iron-clad, 1 being a sinking ship, what do we think about the only-on-the-weekends (and some special occasions) lead-in approach to quitting smoking?

I like it here

CA Supreme Court overturns gay marriage ban.

Here's the LA Times story, which points out that yes, there'll be still another (yawn) petition drive to try to change the state constitution (motto: what, the constitution requires us to be fair to homos? No way!), and that Schwarzenegger, among his other sins, has already vetoed attempts to legalize gay marriage by hiding behind the "will of the people." (OTOH, he also said today that he supports the court's decision and won't support a constitutional amendment. So, the Governator's a coward, but not evil.) So no, all is not sunshine and roses in the Golden State, my front yard notwithstanding.

But it's a victory nonetheless.

ledbetter, round 2

The other day, Arianna Huffington spoke at a luncheon here in Chicago and said, when it comes to giving women equal rights, there is no 'other side.' We believe women should be paid fairly for the labor we provide, or we believe women should be shafted in perpetuity because we have lady parts.

According to a notice I just received from the National Women's Law Center, 57 Senators are voting in favor of the Lily Ledbetter Fair Pay Act, which has made it past the first vote. They are 3 votes away from moving this bill forward.

The National Women's Law Center is targeting senators who voted against the bill the first time around. If you are from any of these states, at least one of your senators voted No:
Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Indiana, Iowa, Florida, Nebraska, New Mexico, North Carolina, Ohio, Texas, and Virginia.

You can email your elected official here. If you know anyone in those states, tell them to get on the horn.

3 votes. That's it.
...
Updated to add that the Ask A Working Woman Survey for 2008 is calling for participants.

You're a woman? You work? They want to hear from you.

The AFL-CIO and Working America has launched the survey and you can check it out on the ALF-CIO news blog here or take the survey directly here.

Please make it stop.

Obama, sweetie, you're hot and all, but you're not hot enough to get away with that. No one is. The only man who could ever get away with that--and it was because he was adorable, not because he was hot--was my grandfather. And he's dead now.

h/t LGM.

Also, while I agree by and large with this editorial, I'd like to add that I also won't miss hearing people compare racism and sexism.

Oh wait, that's probably not going to go away, is it? Fuck.

Oh, they know

Let's put aside for the moment the ridiculous headline on this CNN story: "Catcalling: creepy or a compliment?" Because it's not even worth my explaining how stupid that is.

I want to get to the part of the article where they're not being absurd and are actually reporting about a study some grad student did on street harassment.

According to existing studies and her own findings, Kearl says, some men are simply ignorant about how their behavior is perceived. Kearl, who completed her thesis, "Direct Action, Education, Consciousness-Raising, Activism and the Internet: Methods for Combating Street Harassment," last year, thinks posting on Web sites like HollaBackNYC is preferable to resorting to anger and violence.

"A lot of men have no idea that women don't like being talked to in this way," she said. "It never crosses their mind, and yelling doesn't educate them. If you yell, they often don't understand why you are upset and so they take it personally."

Often, Kearl says, an assertive, clear response can illicit a kinder reaction than one expects.

"A lot of the time, I find guys will just say, 'Oh, OK, I didn't realize it made you feel that way. Thanks.' "

This is absurd, and frankly, gives men way too little credit. Men are not stupid, even the assholes. Have they failed to notice that virtually every woman who is yelled at on the street just walks on by without even acknowledging the person who is catcalling her? Do they think that the woman just doesn't hear them shouting at her and if she did, she'd say, "oh, why hello, I think I'd like to suck your cock, darling!" Have they not noticed the steely gaze these women wear when they walk down the street, or the very uncomfortable half-smiles they give when men are overly friendly to them. No. They know it makes women uncomfortable. The problem is that they either 1) don't give a shit, or 2) think that this is part of the way the "game" is played: man approaches woman, woman is uncomfortable and recalcitrant, man persists, woman relents.

As I have mentioned before, I am for some reason subjected to quite a bit of street harassment, for reasons I don't quite understand and don't feel like getting into. But suffice it to say I have tried everything, from ignoring them to politely acknowledging to polite requests to yelling angrily. And you know what? None of it makes any goddamn difference except that yelling is the only one that makes me feel any better. And the people I've yelled at (which number quite a few) are always taken aback, but not because they don't know that what they're doing bothers women. It's that no one's ever yelled at them before.

So when Kearl says that the men "take it personally," well, how the hell else should they take it? It is personal. This person is bothering me, interfering with me walking down the street in peace without thinking of myself as a piece of meat fit for everyone's fucking commentary, and this person has made me angry. So yeah, it's personal.

Of course, the yelling strategy gets pretty tiring after a while. Just yesterday I couldn't muster a response to a guy who assaulted me with "well hello there, gorgeous!" followed by "why don't you smile, honey?" right outside my office. By the time the "smile" comment came, he was already behind me, so I just walked on. But the rest of the time I employ my standard pointed glare or a hearty "fuck you!" depending on the severity of the violation.

I'd like to know Kearl's methodology. Was it men saying that they'd be more responsive to a woman saying nicely that she doesn't like being catcalled, than yelling angrily? Because, well, fucking duh. As I have learned quite thoroughly, men do not like it when you get angry at them.

But hey, some of them deserve it big time.

Hey, John Kass? I don't give a shit whether you see this movie

Via Chicagoist, an asinine, assholish, sexist column in the Trib about how poor, poor men are being dragged by their EVIL SHOE-LOVING GIRLFRIENDS to see the Sex and the City movie.

A sample of this stereotype-replete drivel:

Sadly, that's just another example of the painful truth: Women Just Don't Get It. Because when it comes to "Sex and the City," women don't care about our needs, our desires, our deepest hidden longings—and our phobias about $700 pairs of Manolo Blahnik shoes. I've never seen such shoes. But if I saw the bill, I'd begin to cry.

So today, and today only, I'm offering absolution to every manjack on the planet. It's your Get out of "Sex and the City" Absolution Card.

The other fun part is where he refers to the SATC cast as "terrifying, rich, aging, elitist women who whine about sex and men and purchase $700 pairs of shoes to feel better about themselves." I'm not sure what it is about the SATC characters that is "terrifying" (except for the fact that they have, you know, some agency) or why exactly it's so awful that they're aging. No, John Kass only wants to see movies with young women who never age. Duh. And yeah, god forbid women whine about sex. Not like every other goddamn movie, not to mention coffeeshop, bar, and dorm room, on the planet isn't filled with men whining about sex, namely that they don't get enough. Poor dears.

You know what? I think Sex and the City actually has a few redeeming qualities. Cinematically it's awful, especially with the whole "Carrie-typing-and-wondering-aloud-punny-questions" theme that appears in every single episode. Several of the characters (esp. Samantha) are pretty flat. It's an odd show, because at times it's clear that some of the characters aren't at all realistic (again, see Samantha), but then it tries to present problems of love, sex, relationship, fertility, illness, careers in a nuanced way. The show's a bit schizophrenicconfused in that way, like it's not sure whether it's a comedy or a drama, realism or high-exaggeration kabuki.

On the other hand, it was and is ground-breaking in the frank and forward-thinking way it deals with women's lives. True, the characters' lives do revolve around sex and men, at least from the slice of their lives that are presented in the show. But as a show about relationships and sex, it gives its women characters an agency, a level of autonomy and chances to break out of character that few other story arcs do.

Of course, John Kass doesn't want to talk about the merits and drawbacks of the show or the franchise. Basically his article amounts to "Ew. Girls." and the issuance of a rallying cry for men to join him in the refrain.

But really, who are we kidding? The main problem that John Kass has with this movie is that it's wholly, completely, and unabashedly about women. And we all know that there's nothing a red-blooded dude would hate more than having to watch a film where fuckdolls aren't fuckdolls, but 45-year-old women with money in the bank and friends who take priority over boyfriends.

As a final note, I have a funny story that I hope my friend won't mind my telling: about two years ago, my friend's house was robbed. The robber stole her computer, her dvd player, and almost all of her DVDs. The lone DVD that survived? Her bound-in-a-pink-book collector's edition complete set of Sex and the City.

I guess he was worried he might get girl cooties if he even touched the thing.

UPDATE: More misogyny directed at the SATC cast (the cover, not Jezebel).

Congratulations Dr. Sybil!

Sybil Officially Graduated yesterday, hood and all.

The Silly Season

You know you're a middle-aged woman when you look at the photo of a presidential candidate accompanying an article about the West Virginia primary and think "hot damn, baby."


But then again, at least you're not yet old enough to fall down at the Yale Club (harumph, harumph) and file a frivolous Perfectly Justified personal injury lawsuit. I bet poor Bork probably needed the money to pay his medical bills, though.

Bored now

The internet! It has nothing for me today!

What's up with that?

If you guys are reading anything interesting, post links in the comments. Me, I gotta clean the goddamm house.

Happy Mother's Day

If you haven't yet read Save the Children's Mother's Day Report Card, please take a moment to find out how mothers all around the world are doing. They also have a really neat multimedia presentation.

Here are a few other mother-related stories worth thinking about today:

1. Mothers and deportation

2. Mothers in jail

3. Mothers in Myanmar

4. Mothers who are refugees.

And a few good organizations that could use donations:

1. Women for Women International

2. Save the Children

3. MomsRising

4. Code Pink

5. No More Victims

6. International Midwife Assistance

Ugh

“When we first saw the bodies floating past, we were sad and afraid,” said Aung Win, a 45-year-old rice farmer, who seemed to have survived because his house is made of hardwood. “Now we just say, here comes another body.”

How to Help. Which reminds me I need to renew my Oxfam membership this year.

Republicans Vote Against Moms; No Word Yet on Puppies, Kittens

Actual WaPo headline. I am not kidding. (Seriously read the whole thing: when the WaPo starts tearing into the Family Values party like this, you know they're in trouble.)

h/t ObWi.

good lord. i've been 'stimulated.'

So my 'economic stimulus' check arrived today. I was sitting at my desk, pretending to do something important when a co-worker let out a whoop and said, 'Whoo hoo! My stimulus check arrived!' So, of course, that meant we all had to see if ours had arrived.

The material girl part of me whispered, 'Thank jesus. You now have more pocket money for Italy.'

The 'social do-gooder/work for a women's non profit' side of me hissed, 'Do the right thing and donate this money to a progressive organization and flip this administration the bird!'

Hello, Italy.

But, for those of you who lead lives filled with integrity and proper progressive values, what organizations are you going to stimulate with your stimulus?

I love it! WHAT ELSE?

I gotta admit, the "whadya beeping at, asshole?" is so very me.

Mother's Day

When my daughter was born, my in-laws got me a subscription to one of the mainstream parenting magazines. I am not ungracious, so I said "Thank you," and totally ignored the thing after an initial read discovered a million needless products being marketed to keep my baby safer from, well, everything and a lot of articles about getting back my flat tummy by combining exercise with household chores. Suffice it to say, I am not the target audience for this particular publication. And yet, it still comes because neither Mr. Vane nor myself really care to make a thing about it.

So last month, Mr. Vane is flipping through the Mother's Day issue reading some choice pieces aloud; he finds this amusing. Every bit of advice in this magazine emphasized "giving mom a break" from her domestic labor. "Cook dinner with the kids!" "Wash the dishes before she asks!" "Do the laundry with the kids - make a game out of it!" And then various other suggestions that involve "pampering," wherein "pampering" is understood as spa treatments, shopping, and desserts.

So, I love 2 of those 3 things (I loathe shopping). I'm not going to turn them down. But as a paradigm for understanding Mother's Day, this sucks. One because the former suggestions are all predicated on the notion that domestic labor is mom's job and by sharing the labor for a Sunday you are giving a gift. That sucks for fairly obvious reasons. Sharing domestic labor should be part of the partnership. Skirt up and do it all the time, not as an exceptional treat. Furthermore, domestic chores are not the same thing as mothering. This should be obvious.

Further, while "pampering" is nice, it is a pretty insubstantial way to think about mothering, what it entails, and what constitutes recognition and appreciation of that work. We can bemoan Mother's Day as a Hallmark holiday, but it didn't start that way. Two kick ass feminists, Julia War Howe and Anna Jarvis, are credited with making it a national holiday. Howe wanted it to function as a day for anti-war activism, seeing women as crucial shapers of national and foreign policy. From her "Mother's Day Proclamation" - "Our husbands will not come to us, reeking with carnage, for caresses and applause."

Jarvis advocated for the holiday after the death of her own mother, Anna Marie Reeves Jarvis, who was also an anti-war agitator. The younger Jarvis was appalled by the eventual commercialization of the holiday, noting "A printed card means nothing except that you are too lazy to write to the woman who has done more for you than anyone in the world. And candy! You take a box to Mother—and then eat most of it yourself. A pretty sentiment!"

These women would not have been at all amused by a "Get out of Laundry" coupon from their spouses.

What I want for Mother's Day is some demonstration that the adult-ish people to whom my mothering matters (which is currently only my husband as our daughter is young) have reflected on what it means to try to mother with intelligence, grace, courage, and kindness in this historical moment. I want a recognition that I am under-served by social and business policies that do not value the work I do as a mother, and that I am under-served by the sentimentalization of motherhood. I want awareness that while the domestic labor I do is unpaid, it is not, de facto, my labor and has very little to do with mothering. I want conscious decisions to value the social and political influence of mothering, and commitments to increasing the visibility of the ways mother's are disenfranchised.

For my own part, I will try to give these things to my mom. I will think hard about the obstacles she overcame, the work she quietly and sometimes invisibly balanced and the sacrifices she made, in particular the ways that she shouldn't have needed to make them. I will promise to do my part to make those sacrifices less necessary for my own daughter, should she decide to be a mother herself. I will try to show my mom that I recognize what she did and the fights she had to do them how she wanted.

And if I get a pedicure too, I will count the day a real success.

Wednesday links

1. EotAW introduced me to a nice new academic blog (is it just me, or are academic blogs these days way better than they used to be?) Sample entry: Moms Rising.

2. Via LGM.

3. The actual historians over at EotAW give us some actual history about illegal immigration. Short version: it's always been about racism, yup.

4. Phyllis Schlafly, honorary Ph.D. and Chris Matthews, commencement speaker? I am so ashamed of my alma mater.

5. Gross, gross, gross. Anyone with an ounce of sense knows that acquitting Sean Bell's killers just because they were cops was an outrage. But check out the comments to this brief NYT piece about a protest that blocked traffic for a whopping 30 minutes. God fucking forbid that anyone should give a shit.

'crossing the line'

[cross posted at my other space, Church Gal]

From The Revealer, I came across a little item pointing me to an interview between a VP at the Family Research Council and religious right activist Janet Folger about some electioneering activities the FRC has planned.

The plans include the standard (non-tax status threatening) stuff: pre-packaged sermons on hot button conservative issues, candidate comparisons (hmm) and then comes this:

"We're going," he said, "to prompt pastors and say to them that, you know, we really believe that they need to challenge some of the things, some of the thinking that we have going on in our society, which is that separation of church and state doctrine, that we really need to preach the Bible on these issues and apply them to the things that are going on in the culture today." [emphasis mine]

Uh-huh. Pastors really need to challenge that separation of church and state thing. Yeah.

You heard it, people. Right from the Right's mouth.

Talk To Action Reclaiming Citizenship, History, and Faith

Blah blah blahg

1. I have sorta kinda high cholesterol! Fuck, man. I am not going to start eating fake butter.

2. I joined the YMCA (unrelated to #1). I hate gyms. But it was a cheap venue for yoga classes, and now my legs and ass and triceps hurt. But in a good way. Also they have gymnastics classes for kids once a week, which means that since I have nothing better to do, I either putter about on the stupid cardio equipment (dear god, I hate the idea of that stuff, though it really isn't bad for a zoned-out half-hour, to be honest) or tackle the weight room! Which is much more awesome.

3. I joined this. You should too. They even have a bikes-only option, which gives you a ride if you get a flat in the middle of nowhere plus some kind of bike league membership and a free Bicycling magazine subscription.

4. Come on, Indiana. Please please please please don't let the Republican crossover fakers throw delegates to Clinton.

"The law should allow a person to marry anyone he wants."

Mildred Loving died today at the age of 68. Here is a copy of a statement she made on the 40th anniversary of Loving v. Virginia, last June.

A few thoughts on the occasion: first, obviously the freedom to marry is still contested for a lot of people. Second, it's really impressive to me that they stayed married until Richard's death, especially given the incredible pressure they must have dealt with as a mixed-race couple. And third, wow:

Mildred Jeter was 11 when she and 17-year-old Richard began courting.

I confess, I find that startling and hard to swallow.

Guess Mildred and Richard are still challenging our preconceptions from beyond the grave. Good for them.

Ayup

Dooce nails it.

guess there are some people who are very uncomfortable with the fact that I and many other women are writing about our children on our websites. How dare we violate your privacy like this, how dare we endanger you like this, we obviously care more about ad revenue than what this is going to do to your adolescence. And I have been asked countless times if I am at all worried that you will totally resent me for the details I have shared here.
....
Will you resent me for this website? Absolutely. And I have spent hours and days and months of my life considering this, weighing your resentment against the good that can come from being open and honest about what it's like to be your mother, the good for you, the good for me, and the good for other women who read what I write here and walk away feeling less alone. And I have every reason to believe that one day you will look at the thousands of pages I have written about my love for you, the thousands of pages other women have written about their own children, and you're going to be so proud that we were brave enough to do this.

Wednesday Friday links

1. A really awesome story about a brave woman who turned a vandalized car into a movie and book deal. H/t Feministing.

2. Pointedly funny op-ed by The Guy Who’s Where He Is Only Because He’s Black. You know, that one. (PostBourgie tells me that he even has a blog.)

3. I really like this blog. The Apostate.

4. Is Obama flipping Clinton the bird? It looks like it to me. Not cool.

5. A new set of DVDs looks at early movies by women filmmakers.

6. Just when you think they can't shock you any more: Missouri's trying to pass a law that would require women seeking abortions to undergo psychological evaluations first. For their own good, you know.

Before the physician recommends or performs an abortion, a licensed physician, licensed psychologist, licensed social worker, or licensed registered nurse has evaluated the woman to identify any pressures to consent to the abortion and the presence of any risk factors

. Did you catch that? The *presumption* here is that women are not capable of freely consenting to abortion *without being professionally evaluated* as to whether or not she is telling the truth. Because she might be lying. About being pressured to have an abortion.

And if she is, then it's in her interest not to let her have one. Because . . . women who are undergoing surgery because someone is pressuring them into it will be better off if you tell them no. Somehow. No, really, dear, you'll thank me later.

7. DC Madam Commits Suicide:

Palfrey was convicted April 15 by a federaljury of money laundering, using the mail system for illegal purposes and racketeering. She was free pending sentencing on July 24, when she could have received a maximum sentence of six years in prison.

Prosecutors said Palfrey operated the prostitution service for 13 years, earning more than $2 million. She had insisted that if women engaged in sex for money, it was without her consent.

One of the famous clients who was accused of using the service was Sen. David Vitter (R-Louisiana). He apologized in July 2007, after his telephone number appeared among those connected to Palfrey.

"This was a very serious sin in my past for which I am, of course, completely responsible," Vitter said in a statement at the time. "Several years ago, I asked for and received forgiveness from God and my wife in confession and marriage counseling. Out of respect for my family, I will keep my discussion of the matter there -- with God and them. But I certainly offer my deep and sincere apologies to all I have disappointed and let down in any way."

Vitter was elected to the Senate in 2004. He represented Louisiana in the House from 1999 to 2004. Vitter and his wife, Wendy, live in Metairie, La., with their four children.

One of the woman who worked for the escort service was identified as former University of Maryland professor Brandy Britton, who was arrested on prostitution charges in 2006. She committed suicide in January before she was scheduled to go to trial.

Workers of the world unite

Emphasis on "world." Because this kind of harassment needs to stop.

A ferry from Friday Harbor on San Juan Island to Anacortes, a town on the coast, follows a domestic route — it never leaves U.S. waters. Yet, when it arrives in Anacortes, there's a chance that passengers will be greeted by the Border Patrol.

Joe Giuliano, a Border Patrol spokesman, explains what might happen if there is a checkpoint when this ferry docks.

"We're asking you your nationality and citizenship. ... If you have no paperwork with you, then we either have to be convinced by you, or run some other records checks, either on your vehicle or the name you give us, to attempt to validate that," he says.

Excuse me? I have to fucking "convince" you that I am a U.S. citizen when I am breaking no law, and when I am travelling within the United States? Fuck you fuckers.

On San Juan Island, an illegal immigrant from Mexico watches the ferry arrive. Asking not to be identified, she says she no longer dares to go off the island.

"If you go off island and you don't have the whole family with you and you get stopped there, you're going to get deported, and what about the rest of your family?" she says.

She says she feels trapped

She *is* trapped. On a fucking island, no less. And don't even tell me this is about immigrant status rather than race.

"When we got there, there was this big guy, came over to the car. I rolled down the window, and he says, 'Oh, you're American, go ahead.' The hysterical part about all this is, my wife is a French citizen," Ginsig says.

Hmm. I wonder how they can tell you're American just by looking at you. Especially when you're actually French. Hmmm.

Hurray for everyone who's marching in one of the immigrants rights May Day rallies all over the country today.

And kudos to the Longshoremen and women, for standing up against the war, the anti-immigrant hysteria, the use of "globalization" to try to pit workers against each other, racism, and the ongoing suppression of our civil liberties ever since 9/11, including the rights to protest and organize.

The last set of contentious negotiations (in 2002) took place during the period between the 9/11 terrorist attacks and the invasion of Iraq. Representatives of the Bush administration threatened that if there were any of the usual job actions during contract bargaining, then troops would occupy the docks because such actions would jeopardize "national security." Yet, when the PMA employers locked out the longshoremen and shut down West Coast ports for 11 days, the "security" issue vanished. President Bush then invoked the Taft-Hartley Act, forcing longshoremen back to work under conditions favorable to the employers.
....
At the start of the war in Iraq, hundreds of protesters demonstrated on the Oakland docks, and longshoremen honored their picket lines. Without warning, police in riot gear opened fire with so-called less-than-lethal weapons, shooting protesters and longshoremen alike with wooden dowels, rubber bullets, pellet bags, concussion grenades and tear gas. A U.N. Human Rights Commission investigator characterized the Oakland police attack as "the most violent" against anti-war protesters in the United States.

And finally, last year, two black longshoremen going to work in the port of Sacramento were beaten, Maced and arrested by police under the rubric of Homeland Security regulations ordained by the "war on terror."

You can see photos of today's rally and protests here.

countdown to italy

[cross posted at Screed, with some minor editing]

4 weeks.

Then I'm blowing this pop stand and lolling in the hot Tuscan countryside, drinking wine, eating pizza and saying things like 'Non sono Americana. Sono Canadian. Whatever.'

4 weeks and I will leave this horrific primary season behind me (only to come right back to it); I will try to leave behind our nation's un-expiated racist past and present.

(Come on, Sean Bell's killers get off completely?? No punishment at all? People go to jail for accidentally killing someone with their motor vehicle! 50 rounds! Unarmed! LORD JESUS!)

4 weeks and I will be on fricking vacation from this frakking mess of a country that I love with all my heart, even though recent events are making me struggle with my affection. My love comes at a price and every little privilege I enjoy feels like a bribe. Or like a stack of crumpled bills on the side of a bed stand, at the very least.

In 4 weeks, I will sleep deeply, I will explore eagerly and I will float lethargically in the villa's 4 ft pool Roomie chose so that I don't drown.

Thank god there's Italy because lord knows here ain't feeling really good right now.
...
There's so much still to do.

I know our trip is 4 weeks out but I have a running list in my head of the things that need to be taken care of: I have to hold the mail, unlock my phone, alert my bank, transfer funds, wrap up work stuff, make a list of things to pack, actually pack, copy recipes, learn a bit more Italian (I'm actually not bad with the accent!), and resign myself to the fact that, yes, I will be on my period while in Italy. Dammit.

(Forget that summer fantasy of white linen and a light, summery wardrobe. I will be bleeding like MacDuff's mam.)

An acquaintance last night gave this piece of advice: "Never pass up an opportunity to sit, eat or pee. You never know when you'll get another chance." I will take that advice to heart, slowing down my group of friends as I take every opportunity to sit, eat and pee. Perhaps all at the same time.

And did you know Urban outfitters has really cute, cheap cameras? Unlike the coldly perfect pictures taken with digital cameras, these take really wonderfully lo-fi photos, sort of blurry and saturated with light and all sorts of imperfections. I'm thinking about the Diana+Edelweiss or the Holga.

And I need to get my hair done. I'm officially over being completely 'natural.' Not for anything political, but for danged expedience. The summer is around the corner and I do not want to mess with the frizz. Tia at Shake Your Beauty mentioned something called a 'conditioning relaxer' and, with this head of curly hair, I think it might be necessary. The hair needs to calm the frak down.

Wow. A whole post on totally frivolous crap.
Excellent.

[Update: And that Lincoln-Douglas thing below? Aaack.]

I shit you not

This is the image that Fox News put up for a story about Clinton challenging Obama to a Lincoln-Douglas debate.

You just *know* that the only reason this got on the air is because Fox has black on the brain.

h/t The American West.

Quick Hit

If you're poor and had the temerity to get knocked up, and aren't in severe danger to your health, have fun having another baby! Even though the state will pay for all the rest of your medical care. Not for this, you healthy slut.

I was looking through the Illinois Department of Health and Family Services for a form I wanted when I came across this gem, the "Abortion Payment Application. Check out the criteria.

I assume this is pretty standard across the various of our fine United States.