You want health insurance? You'll get health insurance.

Cecil D. Bykerk, president of the Society of Actuaries . . . [and] former executive vice president of Mutual of Omaha, said, “If maternity care is included as a benefit, it drives up rates for everybody, making the whole policy less affordable.”

In other words, ladies, you pay 30% more than men do for health insurance because of that whole baby thing. Which is also why you make less money to begin with. After all, men don't have anything to do with pregnancy, so it wouldn't be fair to make "everybody" [with a penis] pay more.

Only, guess what? THAT ISN'T TRUE. It turns out that even health insurance that DOESN'T COVER MATERNITY CARE costs more for women. And we sure as shit know it isn't because insurance companies are covering birth control (pdf).

But even without b.c. and maternity coverage, ladies use more health care than men do! You know how ladies just love doctors, after all. Just listen to

Elizabeth J. Leif, a health insurance actuary in Denver who helps calculate rates for Nebraska and other states . . . “Under the age of 55, women tend to be higher utilizers of health care than men. I am more conscious of my health than my husband, who will avoid going to the doctor at all costs.”

See? Mr. Leif goes to the doctor less than Mrs. Leif! That proves that all women use more health care than men! This is science, people. I know it's hard for you to understand if you have a uterus.

And all that ladylike health-consciousness and getting regular checkups ends up costing more in the long run. Oh wait, actually, that's not true either: sometimes it does, like if you get tested for something it turns out you don't have, and sometimes it doesn't, like if the test turns up positive and you manage to prevent bigger problems later on.

Okay, fine. Let's just admit it. Health insurance companies don't actually *care* about your health, so they don't give a shit about preventing problems later on. Later on, you'll be on Medicare, and the health insurance companies won't have to worry about you, and the government will keep costs down by underpaying doctors, and no one will see you. Just think of how much money that'll save!

Excuse me, please. I feel the vapors coming on.