Oh, they know

Let's put aside for the moment the ridiculous headline on this CNN story: "Catcalling: creepy or a compliment?" Because it's not even worth my explaining how stupid that is.

I want to get to the part of the article where they're not being absurd and are actually reporting about a study some grad student did on street harassment.

According to existing studies and her own findings, Kearl says, some men are simply ignorant about how their behavior is perceived. Kearl, who completed her thesis, "Direct Action, Education, Consciousness-Raising, Activism and the Internet: Methods for Combating Street Harassment," last year, thinks posting on Web sites like HollaBackNYC is preferable to resorting to anger and violence.

"A lot of men have no idea that women don't like being talked to in this way," she said. "It never crosses their mind, and yelling doesn't educate them. If you yell, they often don't understand why you are upset and so they take it personally."

Often, Kearl says, an assertive, clear response can illicit a kinder reaction than one expects.

"A lot of the time, I find guys will just say, 'Oh, OK, I didn't realize it made you feel that way. Thanks.' "

This is absurd, and frankly, gives men way too little credit. Men are not stupid, even the assholes. Have they failed to notice that virtually every woman who is yelled at on the street just walks on by without even acknowledging the person who is catcalling her? Do they think that the woman just doesn't hear them shouting at her and if she did, she'd say, "oh, why hello, I think I'd like to suck your cock, darling!" Have they not noticed the steely gaze these women wear when they walk down the street, or the very uncomfortable half-smiles they give when men are overly friendly to them. No. They know it makes women uncomfortable. The problem is that they either 1) don't give a shit, or 2) think that this is part of the way the "game" is played: man approaches woman, woman is uncomfortable and recalcitrant, man persists, woman relents.

As I have mentioned before, I am for some reason subjected to quite a bit of street harassment, for reasons I don't quite understand and don't feel like getting into. But suffice it to say I have tried everything, from ignoring them to politely acknowledging to polite requests to yelling angrily. And you know what? None of it makes any goddamn difference except that yelling is the only one that makes me feel any better. And the people I've yelled at (which number quite a few) are always taken aback, but not because they don't know that what they're doing bothers women. It's that no one's ever yelled at them before.

So when Kearl says that the men "take it personally," well, how the hell else should they take it? It is personal. This person is bothering me, interfering with me walking down the street in peace without thinking of myself as a piece of meat fit for everyone's fucking commentary, and this person has made me angry. So yeah, it's personal.

Of course, the yelling strategy gets pretty tiring after a while. Just yesterday I couldn't muster a response to a guy who assaulted me with "well hello there, gorgeous!" followed by "why don't you smile, honey?" right outside my office. By the time the "smile" comment came, he was already behind me, so I just walked on. But the rest of the time I employ my standard pointed glare or a hearty "fuck you!" depending on the severity of the violation.

I'd like to know Kearl's methodology. Was it men saying that they'd be more responsive to a woman saying nicely that she doesn't like being catcalled, than yelling angrily? Because, well, fucking duh. As I have learned quite thoroughly, men do not like it when you get angry at them.

But hey, some of them deserve it big time.