Pseudonymous Kid, restaurateur

Sent in by a very kind Manhattan reader.

You know what, let's just stop eating altogether.

Latest pet food recalls, this time for canned shit associated with that hot dog chili recall. Scroll down to the bottom of the article to find out which brands are affected. Some are brands I know some of you use, so check it out. Human stuff, too.

Life according to Pseudonymous Kid

Mama, how many stages of life are there?

I don't know. What do you think the stages of life are?

Well. (Ticking them off on his fingers.) Baby, little kid, kid, big kid, then teenager, then grownup.

Is that it?

Hmm. Then grandparent. And then, if you're very lucky, great-grandparent. Eight. There are eight stages of life.

You're goddamn right I'm frivolous

Wanna know what I'm going to be doing for the next few days? Of course you do.

I'm going to be cleaning up this goddamnfucking mess so that we can all go on vacation and let the neighbors house-sit without their finding out how we really live.

I'll share it with you, the internet, instead. Don't tell Mr. B.

First, we have the front room, or "tv room" as we call it. Notice that it is also the lego room. I did not photograph the area behind the chairs, but trust me: it's much the same, only with origami papers and throw pillows instead.

The coffee table in the family room. Notice the cardboard box with a pile of shit on top of it (mostly linens from my grandfather's house, and a pile of silver cloth). We still haven't unpacked the china. Notice also the booze. Maybe I'll fix myself a few drinks while I tackle the mess.

PK's bedroom. That lump on the top bunk? Is PK, who was up until almost 1 am last night. If I stop fucking around taking and posting pictures, I might be able to get some of this mess tackled before he wakes up.

I'd like to say that PK's room is so messy because, you know, he's a little kid. But this is the kind of example we set. That thing on the round bedside lamp is my wig from the Harry Potter party. I did not photograph Mr. B.'s side of the bed--even though it's WAY messier--because he would kill me.

The bathroom counter. The drink at the far end is a Campari and orange I didn't finish last night before bed.

The back porch, where I drink my campari and orange and leave newspapers lying all over the place. Unfortunately, the sunlight in this pic is making the huge pile of newspaper to the right of the chaise a little hard to see, but you get the idea.

I would have used a better camera (i.e., not my cell phone) but I COULDN'T FIND IT. I also don't know where my wallet is, and haven't for several days. Better find that before I have to go on a trip, huh?

Not pictured: the kitchen, because I tackled it last night and it's in a (rare) acceptable state of normal familial non-squalid clutter; my study, because it's okay right now (partly because I don't use it as often as I should); the mouse bathroom, just because (Mr. B. tackled it last week and it's still in reasonable shape); the guest bathroom and laundry room, because while they need a tidy and sweep, they too look within the range of "normal." Also I didn't photograph the piles of newspaper, cardboard boxes, and toys in front of the front door because, well, if you could figure out my address you might be able to call CPS.

This is how I live, people. Pity me.

New content!

Let me introduce you to JP's mom, who has words of
wisdom for us all. Listen to the mamas, people, they know what they're talking about. I hope I am this cool a mama when PK's all grownup, and I hope that PK is as fond of me as JP is of his mama. (BTW, JP is moving to China!!11!!!! Go congratulate him. Though how that man can move so far away from his mama, I do not understand. Hmph.)

While I'm telling you about the private lives of strangers, heretofore unknown reader Steven Crane (his real name!) messaged me out of the blue this morning* to tell me about this story; I've simply linked to his blog, because he says everything I'd say about it pretty much--

"This is scary," Tracie Mashburn said. "This is a child with potential who wants to grow up and go to college, and his life could be done now."

Added her husband: "We'd all be in jail if everyone got arrested for this kind of stuff."

we'd all be in jail if everyone got arrested for this kind of stuff. now, a quote from one of the seventh-graders who got her butt slapped:

"I do believe it should not have happened," she said. "Everybody knows about sex and our private parts. Our butts are our private parts, and I don't want mine touched."

scott mashburn, a seventh-grade girl just schooled you. here's your sign.

--and the blog as a whole is a fun read.

One of the sucky things about the blogosphere, especially if one reads Big (or formerly big) blogs, is that people get into the habit of only ever linking to other Big (or formerly big) blogs. Which is sad, because really it's the little personal journals like these that are the much more interesting reads.



*I do not recommend this practice unless you have some decent fucking manners, which imho 90% of people who randomly message women bloggers do not. Just sayin'.

I actually haven't read any of the books

Yesterday was spent running around to thrift stores and party stores buying poppers and costumes.

For me:
1. A pinkish tweedy suit.
2. A Laura Bush wig.
Already own: Ridiculous pink shoes, coral lipstick, pink gloss, an ill-advised purchase of pinkity pink pink mineral blush.

For PK:
1. A container of orange/tangerine "Crystal Light" (Target only had cherry flavored Kool Aid).
2. A *hand knit* navy v-neck vest with a red stripe at the hem.
3. A white shirt.
4. A red tie (alas, not a rep tie, but you do what you can.)
5. A Griffyndor robe.
6. Champagne party poppers (for safe indoor fireworks simulation).
Already own: Navy pants, a wand.

For Mr. B.:
1. A bushy black beard.
2. A brown tunic.
Already own: Combat boots, a thick brown belt from PK's pirate costume for Halloween, black pants.

Once our assorted crap had been transferred inside, there was a nap for PK, followed by pizza and hair dying (during the dying process I ended up breaking the hairdryer. Oh well), then becostuming and then off to the Harry Potter party at our local independent kids' bookstore (and SHAME on all of you who went to B&N or Borders).

Fred Weasley, in perpetual motion. The bookstore owner very kindly agreed to allow Master Weasley to set off party poppers in her store, which he did periodically, startling almost everyone and becoming the envy of some of the other kids there.

Here he is in somewhat better focus, allowing you to see exactly how mischevious he really is.

Needless to say, Professor Umbridge is not amused by Fred's antics.

Hagrid, uncharacteristically, is not amused at anything. Probably because he had had a three-hour bike ride home from work, and really: can you picture Hagrid on a bike? Poor Hagrid.

All American!

Click on the image to read the ad copy, which describes how the

mouth watering flavors of [ahem,] Blue Raspberry Bang, Cherry Collision and Cola Blast have a cherry flavored tip packed with popping candies and bursting with excitement.

You might also want to check out the "Man of Popsicle" (sic), (warning: sound) just in case you think this might be a mistake.

Up from Comments--call your Representatives TODAY to protect funding for Planned Parenthood.

I'm trying to reach out to all the blogs I read that have smart, prochoice authors:

I just learned (via NFPRHA) that Rep. Mike Pence (R-IN) is poised to offer an amendment today to the LHHS spending bill (HR 3043) that would prohibit Planned Parenthood from receiving Title X funding. This amendent would effectively defund 13 percent of Title X family planning clinics and threaten access to family planning services for millions of low-income women and men.

Please reach out and urge your Representatives to vote NO on the Pence amendment. You can find your representatives by going to Project Vote Smart and entering your nine digit zip code. If you don't know it, go to www.usps.com to look it up. [Contact info for Representatives is also available here. -Ed.]

If you have time to post this, or to urge friends to call, I'd be appreciative. Please feel free to send around widely.

Hahahaharry Potter

I'm sorry, but this is funny.

Yesterday ... book publisher Scholastic confirmed that about 1,200 copies of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" erroneously had been mailed early to readers. One copy of the book landed on the doorstep of William Collier, an Atlanta engineer who, though only a casual Harry reader, had ordered an advance copy of "Deathly Hallows" off DeepDiscount. When the book arrived four days early, Collier took immediate and responsible action: He placed it on sale on eBay with a reserve price of $250. Collier said the book was purchased yesterday by an editor at Publisher's Weekly. Editors at Publisher's Weekly could not be reached for comment.

In lieu of further details, Collier responded by offering for $300 a written account of his story, which he'd sentimentally titled, "I Was an eBay Voldemort." The Washington Post declined.

We're going to the local independent even though with my B&N card I could get it for like half the price. PK wants to dress as one of the Weasley twins, which should surprise no one. I have to call the bookstore owner (we're regular enough customers that she'll know who I am, especially since we went in today to make sure they were having an event) to ask permission for him to bring those little champagne popper toys so that he can pretend to shoot off fireworks, like in the most recent movie....

The Rich Really Are Different

Here's a little story about what they say when they think no one who counts is listening. You'll notice that this story didn't appear in a U.S. paper....

They rush through the Rush-list of liberals who hate America, who want her to fail, and I ask them – why are liberals like this? What's their motivation? They stutter to a halt and there is a long, puzzled silence. " It's a good question," one of them, Martha, says finally. I have asked them to peer into the minds of cartoons and they are suddenly, reluctantly confronted with the hollowness of their creation. "There have always been intellectuals who want to tell people how to live," Martha adds, to an almost visible sense of relief. That's it – the intellectuals! They are not like us. Dave changes the subject, to wash away this moment of cognitive dissonance. "The liberals don't believe in the constitution. They don't believe in what the founders wanted – a strong executive," he announces, to nods. A Filipino waiter offers him a top-up of his wine, and he mock-whispers to me, "They all look the same! Can you tell them apart?"

There's much more--I had a hard time picking a representatively heinous quotation. Do read the whole thing.

And yes, there are still people who think that pointing this shit out means that *we're* the ones fostering a class war. (Von's next post announced his departure from ObWi--one can only assume that the truth was insufficiently civil for him. Ah well.)

Image courtesy Leftist Grandpa.

Monday Mission (And Weekend Reward to Look Forward To)

As I begin writing this, I'm halfway through a "grande nonfat Dulce de Leche latte, no whip." And yes, I'm well aware that the savvy among you (by which I mean, "those of you who have already finished your morning coffee") will likely not be unamused by the irony of my posting, while drinking my $4 Starbucks monstrosity, about how This Country Is Going To Hell!!! Rilly it is!!


But. In all seriousness, self-deprecating acknowledgment that I, personally, am sitting at the top of the world economic heap aside. The executive branch of Our Government really truly is out of control, and it really truly is long, long past time that we (by which I mean "We the People," but also, perhaps especially, "those of us who drink ridiculous things from Starbucks and can therefore, for now, afford to feel Terribly Bothered by the Gubmint but not, in our day-to-day lives, personally terrified in the manner of, say, yer Iraqi mamas or your Afghani school girls or your increasingly nervous Iranian feminists who really have been more or less successfully pushing the stone of women's rights slowly up the hill of their theocratic government for some time now without the help of U.S. bombers, thankyouverymuch) devoted the waning days of this summer (July 4th isn't that distant a memory, folks) to pushing and shoving our own goddamn government into Doing Something About The Most Unpopular President in History and his Self-Appointed Evil Vice President/Puppet-Master.

The opposition party controls the House. It (We) control half the Senate. It (We) are in a pretty good position to get the goddamn executive office back in our hands next year and buckle down and start (re-)establishing some Goddamn Checks and Balances in our government, and while we're at it let's quit with the deeply fucked up wars of aggression and repair some of our international credibility and reaffirm that women's rights are human rights, you fuckers, and also get moving on establishing a Social Security-style Universal Health Care/Coverage package (which is going to be a tough fight, because the insurance company folks are going to do their damndest to convince us that This Would Be a Disaster and things will be Much Better if we instead pass insane laws "requiring" everyone to purchase health insurance privately unless they fail some means test in which case okay, we'll provide a batter of confusing bureaucratic publicly funded plans for them to choose from, plans which will be a pain in the ass to qualify for and will provide minimal coverage and will merely reinforce the sense of grievance that people who Pay for Their Own Health Insurance Through Their Own Hard Work have against those Lazy Poor People Who are Yet Again Taking Advantage of Our Tax Money etc. etc.).

So. Really, truly. Here is your Required Reading for today.

1. Eric Rauchway, 'The World Has Gone Mad Today', in which the very calm and mild-mannered professor of History at U.C. Davis asks "are we having a constitutional crisis yet?" I mention the man's bona fides because, well, he knows something about American politics and history.

2. Tim Burke--another history professor, at Swarthmore (who is actually famous in a small, internetty way, for being moderate and balanced and let's-not-get-too-polemical-here and demonizing-the-political-opposition-only-creates-divisiveness), decides that really, we seem to have gotten to the point where it's completely undeniable that anyone still defending the current administration is clearly either (1) a moral monster or (2) a complete and utter liar. He says it all very nicely, because that's his style, but he says it.

3. In accordance with (and fwiw, out of nearly insensate--but justifiable--rage at) the slow awakening of the latte-swilling reasonable liberals, Adam Kotsko (who studies theology, of all things, a fact that--along with my having seen an SUV today with *both* one of those Calvin-kneeling-at-the-cross window decals *and* a "Give Peace a Chance" bumper sticker complete with 70s-era dove graphic--helps me keep in mind that a lot of those Christians(TM) are not just bigots in sheeps clothing, plus despite his reputation as a rabid revolutionary Marxist he is, in person, actually the most mild-mannered Midwestern boy you could ever hope to meet) rants about why he Hates Democrats. Spoiler: Because too many of us enjoy our lattes and our Moral Outrage but don't actually do a whole lot about it.

Well NO MORE, people. Get off your well-cushioned American asses; here is your homework for the week.

A. Click here, enter your zip code in the goddamn box, pick up the phone, and call your fucking Senators to tell them that you expect them to support Senate Amendment 2022, to restore habeas corpus to the defense spending bill. For extra credit, write a follow-up letter, which you can address to:

Office of Senator (Name)
United States Senate
Washington, D.C. 20510

Extra background reading on just the latest case I, personally, know about is here. And of course the women of Obsidian Wings are your go-to girls on this issue.

B. Hang onto that phone. Now dial up your Representatives and tell them you support House Resolution 333. If one of your representatives is Nancy Pelosi--who I, personally, am a huge fan of--remind her that she promised to clean up the motherfucking house, tell her you're ticked that she says impeachment is off the table, and let her know you want her to reconsider.

Extra credit background reading here and here. Extra credit action items at After Downing Street, which includes a list of upcoming events nationwide. For super extra bonus credit, organize a goddamn impeachment demonstration at one near you. Or try one of their other suggestions. If you're in Pelosi's district and you're considering supporting Cindy Sheehan's challenge to her, feel free--I, personally, am neutral on this one for now.

C. Write. A. Fucking. Check. If you're rich, write a check for $50 or $100. If you're poor as shit, try $10 or $5. Send it to Emily's List (you can dedicate it to a specific candidate--click on "Candidates" in the left-hand column, or to ImpeachPAC, or to Barbara Boxer's "PAC for a Change (these issues), or again, WUFPAC (which supports women candidates under 40) or NOWPAC or the Women's Campaign Fund or a local candidate you've got your eye on. Extra credit: google "your issue" and "PAC" and do your own research. Seriously consider privileging women candidates or explicitly feminist organizations in your targeted spending.

This check-writing thing really does matter. The ability of teh internets to get normal little people like you and me to haul out our damn checkbooks is really one of the biggest tools we, collectively, have--especially considering the appalling state of affairs in the mainstream media (those are all Salon links, and yeah, you'll have to watch an ad. Do it, if you're at all interested in the current state of American reporting). Money talks. If you want to make sure that whoever you're writing your check to understands your money loud and clear, write a quick note that says "I'm sending you this check because I support X issue" or (to a candidate), "I'm sending you this check in the hopes that you support/will continue to support X issue."

If you do all these things this week, then for fuck's sake treat yourself to a nice brunch on the weekend. I recommend this quiche recipe (the quiche pictured has ham, but the recipe's veggie--you can add ham if you must, but I recommend not bothering. Oh, and you'll have to make or buy your own crust, but believe me, it'll be well worth it) or, if you've done your extra credit, these brownies. If you're in Pelosi's district and have done Pelosi-themed extra credit, you can just go to Tartine and buy yourself some quiche and a morning bun.

If you've written a check, then by all means splurge on this cookbook, print out this article, and stick it in the back of the book so you can bake their absolutely heavenly morning buns for yourself--the recipe was sadly left out of this otherwise excellent book.

If writing a check means you can't afford the book, then leave a coment (be sure and include an email) and I will personally scan a recipe of your choice and email it to you. The index to the cookbook is available on the Amazon link above.

P.S. The "Search Inside" content at Amazon includes the croissant recipe you'll need to go with the linked morning bun recipe.

You Don't Want My Life (But You Probably Want My Men)

Wednesday

Boyfriend: I am so sick.
Me: I'm so sorry. I have to go to the airport now to pick up Mr. B.
Boyfriend: Let him take a shuttle.
Me: You must be feeling terrible. What's wrong?
Boyfriend: I'm actually thinking of asking someone to come over and help me. I can't stop throwing up.
Me: OMG. What's wrong?
Boyfriend: I don't know. It might be these drugs the doctor prescribed.
Me: Jesus.
Boyfriend: I have a meeting tomorrow at 9 am.
Me: If they piss you off, puke on them.
Boyfriend: Not really my style.
Me: No. You could turn over a new leaf.
(long pause)
Boyfriend: I'm really loud when I throw up.
Me: Ugh. I'm so sorry you're so sick.
Boyfriend: Go pick up Mr. B.
Me: Okay. Call JM if you need someone to hold your hair while you puke.
Boyfriend. Sorry that sounded all dommy.
Me: It didn't, it sounded nice. Okay, I'm going now. Don't die.

Today

Me: Mr. B., let's talk about travel. I can take PK back to Previous Job City at the end of July/beginning of August or in the first full week of August--our friends will be able to host us then, and PK will be able to visit his friends then and I can pick up the shit that I left in my office...
Mr. B.: Okay, that sounds good. How about if I fly out to meet you in Chicago when you're done, and then I can take him down to Nashville to see all his cousins, who are going to be there in the middle of August while you go on to Minneapolis to visit the Boyfriend?
Me: Well, the catch is he's scheduled for soccer camp that first full week in August, so I was thinking of going to PJC the week of July 30th. And then remember, we talked about me putting him on a direct flight from Chicago or Minneapolis to LAX while I stay in Minneapolis....
Mr. B.: What if you go to PJC a week early?
Me: I can't do that b/c A&M have visitors then.
Mr. B.: Hm.
Me: I could fly back with him for soccer camp, and then you guys can go to Nashville and I can go back to Minneapolis....
Mr. B.: That's more money.
Me: Well, yeah.
Mr. B.: What if you fly to Chicago, rent a car to drive to PJC, visit for a week, drive back to Chicago, and hey! My sister can drive him down to Nashville and I can meet them a few days later?
Me: Then he's skipping soccer camp, though.
Mr. B.: Right. Shit.
Me: But there is another camp that starts 30 July and runs for just that week. But I don't know how much it costs.
Mr. B.: Okay, let's see. If we cancel the camp he's signed up for and register him for that one, then he can go to that, and the day he gets out you and he can get on a plane to Chicago, where you rent a car and drive to PJC. Then you've got three days to pack your office, drive back to Chicago, drop him with my sister, and go on to Minneapolis.
Me: That's insane. Plus then he won't have time to see his old school friends and Jody the awesome neighbor, which he's really looking forward to.
Mr. B.: Right. Could you go see the Boyfriend before going to PJC?
Me: Hm, let me think. Yes. I'd have to check with him to make sure the idea of having PK come along isn't going to make him crazy, but probably, yes.
Mr. B.: Then you go see the Boyfriend, drive from Minneapolis to PJC, spend a week, drive back, drop PK with my sister, and then spend the next week with the Boyfriend while PK meets me in Nashville.
Me: Then there's still no soccer camp.
Mr. B.: Crap. That's right.
Me: This would really be a lot easier if I didn't have to take PK to PJC.
Mr. B.: Yeah, but he's really looking forward to that.
Me: Yeah. And I promised.
Mr. B.: Would it be so bad if he just skipped soccer camp?
Me: Well, he's signed up for soccer in the fall, and it would be really nice if he knew something about how to play before it started....
Mr. B.: True....
Me: I could go to PJC, send him home alone on a direct Chicago-LAX flight, and then you and he go to Nashville after soccer camp's over?
Mr. B.: Then I need someone to babysit while he's at camp. When does soccer camp end?
Me: On the 9th, at noon.
Mr. B.: That means if I flew out that afternoon with PK, we'd have a weekend in Nashville. I guess I could take a few days off the next week instead.
Me: Whaddya think?
Mr. B.: But I'd need someone to babysit the week he's at camp, and then for a few days after we get back, until you get home.
Me: Fuck. The YMCA has day programs--maybe you could go into work a little late after dropping him off?
Mr. B.: But then I wouldn't be able to pick him up....
Me: Until like 8 pm, right. That's not gonna work. Shit.
Mr. B.: Look, let's do this. We'll talk to PK this afternoon when he gets home from TaeKwonDo camp. There are three things he can do in August: spend a week with his cousins, go to soccer camp, or go to PJC with you. But there's only time for two.
Me: But the cousins thing is really important, you want to go see the family. So I don't think we should give him that choice.
Mr. B.: My mom's 70th is in six months, there'll be another chance then.
Me: Hm. If he opts for soccer camp, he's still flying home alone from Chicago. I know there are kids that do that shit because their parents are divorced and all, and I'm sure it would be fine, but I feel uncomfortable about that....
Mr. B.: Look, let's do this. Let's cancel soccer camp; he'll start playing in the fall, he's six, it'll be okay if he doesn't already "know how."* You go to Chicago and rent a car with him to get to PJC, then get back to Chicago on the 4th, he drives down to Nashville with my sister, I meet them there, we spend a week, and then I only need your dad or mom to babysit for a week and you get back in time for him to start school.
Me: Okay. Let me talk to the Boyfriend, you talk to your sister.
Mr. B.: Will do.
Me: Wait, why am I renting a car again instead of just flying directly into PJC?
Mr. B.: Because flying directly to PJC will cost an extra few hundred bucks, plus you'll need a car to get from Big City where A&J live to PJC itself, plus you need a way to transport all those books to the post office.
Me: Oh right. Jesus. This is such a pain in the ass.
Mr. B.: But you'll get two weeks with the Boyfriend to unwind.
Me: True. Now, can we talk about getting pre-approved for a mortgage and starting to look at houses....?


*As I write this, it occurs to me that probably the motherfucking AYSO is going to want to have soccer *practice* starting while PK is in PJC or Nashville. AARRGGH.

Chicks Up Front

A couple days ago, I wrote over at SG about the Women's Campaign Foundation study (.pdf) that found that women donate 25% of the political money that men do. You can see what I had to say about it over there: the upshot was GET OUT THE CHECKBOOKS, CHICKS.

I hereby pledge to shoot at least $300 towards women's PACs or women candidates this year. Probably I'll donate more than that. Next year I'll chunk another bunch of money at women's PACs, the Democratic candidate, and local/state stuff.

Today's SG post explains one good reason why. Here it is.

The statements by Bush's former Surgeon General deserve to be front-page news all over the country:

Carmona said Bush administration political appointees censored his speeches and kept him from talking out publicly about certain issues, including the science on embryonic stem cell research, contraceptives and his misgivings about the administration’s embrace of “abstinence-only” sex education. . . . He said most of the public debate over the matter has been driven by political, ideological or theological motivations.

Yep. But try to point this out and you get accused of discriminating against Christians, being intolerant of religious freedom, hating men, or being "too ideological" your own damn self. Gaaaaah.

You can see video of part of Carmona's testimony here:
Watch it: it's just breathtaking how appalling his admissions are.

We have never seen it as partisan, as malicious, as vindictive, as mean-spirited as it is today.

[By the way, this video is from Nancy Pelosi's YouTube channel, which is worth keeping an eye on.]

There really truly is an executive office and Republican party conspiracy to control women's reproductive decision-making. That they're also trying to control a bunch of other shit doesn't change that fact. That so few people are willing to stand up and say that this is so is part of a broader problem with folks not seeing women's rights, specifically women's reproductive rights, as an important and fundamental civil liberties issue for Americans as a whole.

Which it damn well is, not only because women are slightly more than half of all Americans, but also because women are the mothers of every American, are the un- or underpaid labor force that does the vast majority of the important work that upholds the social and public health of the country, and because our rights (or lack thereof) can and will serve as wedges to limit the rights of you men. Wait and see.

Or, if you'd rather not, again: send some money to Emily's List. Because it should be *obvious* that supporting pro-choice women candidates is one of the most direct and most effective ways of getting these assholes out of power.

Addendum: If Emily's List isn't your style--which I personally think is nuts, but hey--there's also the Women's Campaign Fund, which supports women candidates without the "pro-choice" requirement, or NOW PACs. Or feel free to link to your favorite women's PACs or candidates in comments.

Pseudonymous Kid, Fashion Critic

So the other day I'm surfing around the net and I find this image on GoFugYourself, and I say to Mr. B., isn't this awesome? I so totally want this dress. Even though I don't really have the body for it right now.

Pseudonymous Kid, ever concerned and helpful: Mama, do you know why the fancy clothes you like don't look good on you right now? Because this part of your arm (grabs his own tricep) is all wobbly.

If you want more of the ever-tactful and discreet observations of children as rude as my own, do check out the Preliminary contest results over at Flea's place. One of the stories in the list, I'm proud mortified obliged to say, is another little tidbit of PK's.

I LOVE DAY CAMP

PK came home and fell asleep on the couch after eating a popsicle.

That is all.

Playdates

Arranging playdates completely sucks--my attempts usually involve lots of phone tag, and eventually one parent or the other drops the ball and nothing happens. And occasionally you get a kid who's so damn polite that PK's running around shouting and trying to boss him goes nowhere, and you feel compelled to intervene because little Mr. or Miss Lump of Clay is just sitting there looking overwhelmed.

But man, when they work, they're awesome. PK is currently running around the house with his school friend Colby, and they're shooting at each other and building shit with legos and leaving me alone. Plus Colby can stand up for himself, so they can squabble all they like without me worrying about whether or not PK is permanently destroying his friendship or his friend's psyche.

Plus, bonus: Colby's coming over forced me to clean the front rooms of the house. There are still piles of kid crap everywhere, but at least the dirty dishes are tidily stacked and the sticky goo on the floor is gone.

In other news, I really have to teach PK how to answer the phone properly, so that he realizes that after you say "just a minute, I'll get her" you don't put the phone down back on its cradle.

On the other hand, maybe I should just let that one be.

Thank god someone's saying it

What the fuck was news about a goddamm hot dog eating contest doing on the front pages of the NYT and WaPo websites earlier today?!?

Chestnut, 23, was the winner of Wednesday's nauseating competition in New York. He didn't choke under pressure. He devoured 66 dogs to Kobayashi's 63.

The victorious college student from San Jose State was wrapped in an American flag when it was over. He told the TV audience how proud he was to have Kobayashi's crown "come back to the U.S. on the 4th of July."

Here's an independent thought I just had: Go stuff yourself.

If I wanted to watch uncivilized creatures eat, I would go to a zoo. Get out of my face.

No kidding. I mean, it's not as if there's nothing else happening in the world that's newsworthy.

Happy 4th of July

Here's a li'l bit of good old American firebrand dissent for you. The bit above is from yesterday; that below is 231 years old today.

. . . We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.

That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men,
deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed.

That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object, evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.
......
The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
......
He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our People, and eat out their substance.
......
He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.
......
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences
.....
For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments
......
He is at this time transporting large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.
......
In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

I like fireworks

In fact, the 4th of July has always been my favorite holiday--better than Christmas, better than Easter, better than my stupid birthday. Picnics! Fireworks! Hangin' out! Celebratin' all those ideals we learned in our 1970's childhoods about how We Can Work to Make Our Country Live Up to Its Promise! Equality for everyone! Free speech! The huddled masses, yearning to breathe free! The separation of church and state! Freedom of conscience! Promoting the general welfare! Establishing justice!

Only, this year makes it just a wee bit dificil to be patriotic and all. I wanna carry a sign or wear a tshirt to tomorrow's 4th of July fair / fireworks extravaganza. Not something all in-your-face and partisan, b/c that's not the point. Something mournful, or poignant. Cala has one idea. Others?

at some point this administration's contempt for things like "accountability," "public opinion," and "the rule of law" will cease to surprise me

But in the meantime, wow. They didn't even wait until the end of Bush's term.
Could the man look any more smug?

Update: I asked over at Unfogged why he'd commute the sentence instead of just pardoning Libby altogether and was directed to Digby, who points to Marcy Wheeler's explanation. Both of those sound like the most (only) plausible reason to me.

Second Update: Brad DeLong posts an editorial by Jeff Lomonaco that the LATimes turned down two weeks ago (idiots) predicting that Bush would commute, rather than pardon, Libby. He also posts a quote by James Madison, reminding us that the founding fathers explicitly said that "sheltering" someone who is "connected in a suspicious manner" with potential Presidential wrongdoing is grounds for impeachment. And, if *guilty* of sheltering someone in such a case, the Congress can remove him.

It's been way too long since we did any memery around here

And lesboprof wants to know all about me, and frankly with summer and all I'm kinda slow on the actual blogging. So what the hey.

Eight things about me (the rules are after the post, b/c I'm a rebel like that):

1. I'm trying to start knitting again in order to spend less time fucking around online. Plus knitting's more portable than teh internets.

2. I'm also trying to quit smoking. The funny thing is, I really don't want to smoke any more most of the time, but I keep doing it because I can't think of something else that:

- provides a short break from whatever I'm doing (mostly websurfing) or a transition between one thing (websurfing) and another (making dinner);
- is compatible with drinking soda/coffee/booze;
- is at least theoretically a reason for PK to stay the hell away from me for a little while;
- preferably requires/lets me sit outside, or at least forces me to move somewhere other than where the laptop is.

I'm wondering if knitting might be a good candidate, though it's a little iffy on that last criteria. But worth a try, anyhoo.

3. I'm slightly annoyed with myself for being kinda anxious about hitting middle age. I'm seriously annoyed with myself for being much more anxious about starting to look middle aged. Which so far no one notices except me, but it's freaking me the fuck out. SO irritating.

4. I have high cholesterol! Who knew?

5. I seriously don't miss my professorial job. Which surprises me, but there it is.

6. I love planning things, but hate following through and doing them. Knitting is supposed to teach me to be more zen about that.

7. I generally only shower maybe 2-3 times a week, when my hair starts feeling greasy.

8. I preferred crawling to walking until I was 12 or 13. And I'll still crawl around the house with PK or the cat sometimes, but the wood floors are hell on the knees.

That's it. Okay, here are the rules for those of you who want to join in the memetasticness. I nominate---anyone who *doesn't* have 8 interesting things to say, because trying to think of 8 interesting things to say is good exercise for your brain.

Rules:

* I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.

* Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.

* People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.

* At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.

* Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Psuedonymous Kid does not understand LOLcats

I'm dicking around at the LOLcats site and PK comes to look over my shoulder.

Mama, what's that?

Funny pictures of cats.

What are the kittens saying?

They're saying "Donut worry, we iz profesionals".

Donut worry?

Well, they can't spell very well. Because, see, they're cats.

What are they doing?

It looks like they're trying to fix someone's computer. Or maybe their tv and vcr, I guess.

I think they're playing with something. Maybe a toy, or a lizard. And then someone snapped that picture and put the words on it to pretend they're trying to fix things.

Well, yeah. That's the point. You take a cute or funny picture of a cat, and you add words to make a joke out of it.

Can I see more?

Sure. (We scroll and read for a few pages.) See, some of these aren't really very funny, but some of them are.

They can't spell very well.

That's because they're cats.

But I thought it was people writing the words.