Baby, you sexy: Equal Opportunity Edition

Lest anyone claim (and lo, they already have) that I am some kind of man-hating bitch who is just trying to rob all men of their god-given right to let women know they want to sex them, I bring to you tales of this morning's adventures.

I was down the block getting my standard breakfast to go from the greasy-spoon-cum-derelict-hangout, when a person who appeared to be a woman (although displaying several male-like characteristics), got very, very close to me. Like, as close as possible without actually touching. Thisclose. I was standing in front of the cash register, attempting to order, though I quickly got quite flustered (and I don't fluster easily).

"Hey baby, you here with your boyfriend?"
"No."
"I'll be your boyfriend."
"I'll have uh, an english muffin with egg and cheese..."
"I said, I'll be your boyfriend."
"And two coffees, one medium, no, both medium, uh, one black and the other cream..."
"That's like you and me baby, black and cream."
"Excuse me?"
"I said, I'll be your boyfriend."
"No."
"Why not?"
"I already have a boyfriend."
Cashier: "English muffin with what?"
"She said, English muffin with egg and cheese. Now why are you getting two coffees?"
"One's for my friend."
"Your boyfriend?
"No, my friend."
"Well, why can't I be your boyfriend then?"
"Look, I said no. I'm not interested."
Cashier: "Do you want some sugar in the bag?"
"No, that's okay."
"You're really pretty though. We could have a booty call on the side."
"No, thanks."
"What do you mean no? You thought I was talking about sex, didn't you? No, I mean, going to shows, movies, whatever, and then see what happens."
(Silence)
"Where are you from? I mean, what's your nationality? Italian?"
"No."
"Hispanic?"
"No."
"Well, where then?"
"I'm arab."
"Ohhhh. Well, that's why you're so sexy." (Exeunt)

What the fuck? Goddamnit, it's fucking 9 motherfucking 30 in the morning, I am just trying to get some coffee for me and my coworker, leave me alone! This was one of the pushiest hittings-on I've ever had by someone who wasn't obviously drunk. And I dare say, it was incredibly uncomfortable. I've been thinking about how so much of the world we live in is governed by gender roles and automatic behavior, by code. I didn't know how to react. For some reason that I couldn't identify, I didn't feel that I could be flat-out rude. Like, tell her to fuck off. Why is that? Is it because of this "politeness" code that we're inured with? A code that I've managed to turn off when it comes to men yelling at me in the street, but not with respect to anyone else?

It's causing all kinds of cognitive dissonance in my mind about my be-rude-to-harrassers policy. This policy is not really compatible with living in the world much of the time. Fisrt, there was today, where I just couldn't muster rudeness because of this ingrained politeness code (plus, I was indoors, which doesn't help). Just a couple days ago, I was out with a woman I don't know that well (although really like) and some dudes (teenagers--probably 16 or 17) yelled at us out of a car, and I yelled back. They stopped and tried to engage in some kind of colloquy about how they meant "you sexy" in a nice way, hello! My companion got quite upset with me for talking to them, saying it was best to ignore people for safety reasons. I felt very, very bad about making her uncomfortable.

What do you people think? My policy makes me feel better a lot of the time, makes me feel powerful and unafraid, but it can also make things seem awfully complicated.