You're goddamn right I'm frivolous

Wanna know what I'm going to be doing for the next few days? Of course you do.

I'm going to be cleaning up this goddamnfucking mess so that we can all go on vacation and let the neighbors house-sit without their finding out how we really live.

I'll share it with you, the internet, instead. Don't tell Mr. B.

First, we have the front room, or "tv room" as we call it. Notice that it is also the lego room. I did not photograph the area behind the chairs, but trust me: it's much the same, only with origami papers and throw pillows instead.

The coffee table in the family room. Notice the cardboard box with a pile of shit on top of it (mostly linens from my grandfather's house, and a pile of silver cloth). We still haven't unpacked the china. Notice also the booze. Maybe I'll fix myself a few drinks while I tackle the mess.

PK's bedroom. That lump on the top bunk? Is PK, who was up until almost 1 am last night. If I stop fucking around taking and posting pictures, I might be able to get some of this mess tackled before he wakes up.

I'd like to say that PK's room is so messy because, you know, he's a little kid. But this is the kind of example we set. That thing on the round bedside lamp is my wig from the Harry Potter party. I did not photograph Mr. B.'s side of the bed--even though it's WAY messier--because he would kill me.

The bathroom counter. The drink at the far end is a Campari and orange I didn't finish last night before bed.

The back porch, where I drink my campari and orange and leave newspapers lying all over the place. Unfortunately, the sunlight in this pic is making the huge pile of newspaper to the right of the chaise a little hard to see, but you get the idea.

I would have used a better camera (i.e., not my cell phone) but I COULDN'T FIND IT. I also don't know where my wallet is, and haven't for several days. Better find that before I have to go on a trip, huh?

Not pictured: the kitchen, because I tackled it last night and it's in a (rare) acceptable state of normal familial non-squalid clutter; my study, because it's okay right now (partly because I don't use it as often as I should); the mouse bathroom, just because (Mr. B. tackled it last week and it's still in reasonable shape); the guest bathroom and laundry room, because while they need a tidy and sweep, they too look within the range of "normal." Also I didn't photograph the piles of newspaper, cardboard boxes, and toys in front of the front door because, well, if you could figure out my address you might be able to call CPS.

This is how I live, people. Pity me.