Houston, we have a problem

Situation: Pseudonymous Kid's birthday is tomorrow. He is having a party on Saturday, to which he invited the kids who sit at his table in class.

Scene: yesterday, picking Pseudonymous Kid up from school:

Teacher, looking very cross: You need to tell PK to stop talking about the party at school.
Me: Oh, is he making other kids feel bad? I'll be sure to ask him not to do that.

On the walk home:

Me: PK, Mrs. Smith would prefer you not to talk about your party at school any more. She is afraid it might be making the kids who weren't invited feel bad.
PK: She told me not to do that any more.
Me: Okay, did you stop?
PK: Yes. She said that if I did it one more time, I wouldn't be able to have a party.
Me: What? She said she would cancel the party?
PK: Yes.
Me: Did she use that word, "cancel"?
PK: No, she said that if I talked about the party one more time she wouldn't let me have one.
Me: Hmm. Well, I will check with her about that tomorrow morning and see if maybe you misunderstood what she meant. But you know, it is not up to Mrs. Smith if you have a party, it is up to me.
PK: That's what I thought! Will you cancel my party if I talk about it any more?
Me: No, of course not. But you shouldn't talk about it at school, because it might make the kids who we couldn't invite feel left out, okay?
PK: Okay.

This morning:

Me: Mrs. Smith, I want to ask if PK maybe misunderstood something you said yesterday. He said that you told him that if he kept talking about the party, you would ask me to cancel it?
Mrs. Smith: Yes, he kept talking about it so I told him that he wouldn't even have a party if he mentioned it one more time.
Me, kind of shocked: Oh, well . . . that's really not a good idea. He doesn't react well to . . . (thinking hard to try to find a word other than "threats") . . . being told there are consequences that won't really happen. And he's smart enough to know that the party is something that is happening at home, not at school.
Mrs. Smith: Okay. Well, I know he is a little younger than the other kids, and he's developmentally a little behind . . .
Me: Right, he's not as tactful as older kids quite yet. But . . .
Mrs. Smith: And you know, I told him to stop using the word "annoyed," but I had to tell him again yesterday.
Me: Well, PK is actually a very empathetic kid. But he doesn't react well to rules he doesn't understand. I find that if you explain to him that something will make other people feel bad, or that it is rude . . .
Mrs. Smith: The word I use is "unkind."
Me: Well, PK is very concerned about being rude. So maybe that word will work better. But if you can appeal to him . . .
Mrs. Smith: He says whatever he is thinking.
Me: . . . If you can appeal to him, kind of get him on your side--you know, say to him conspiratorially, "I think you might be making the other kids feel bad," or "it's a little rude to talk about things in front of people who aren't invited" . . .
Mrs. Smith: Right.
Me: . . . Then he is much more likely to cooperate than if he is just told not to do something, which frustrates him and gets his back up.
Mrs. Smith: Okay, well, make sure and go to the main office to update your contact information. . . .

Hrm. I get the feeling, and so does Mr. B., that Mrs. Smith does not listen very well when we try to discuss things with her. I am starting to think she sees PK as a "behavior problem," and if she talks to him the way she talks to us, I bet he doesn't, in fact, listen to her very well, because he prefers to have things explained, and to have his own explanations listened to.

I think this afternoon I am going to tell her that we need to have a meeting.