Pseudonymous Kid thinks for himself

Not that that's always good. Or charming.

Scene: 1:00 a.m.

Pseudonymous Kid: Mama, I'm Thirsty! And hungry!
Me: PK, go to sleep.
Pseudonymous Kid: I can't! I'm too thirsty!
Me (a little thirsty myself, to be fair): Oh, god, all right.
Pseudonymous Kid: Get me a snack too!
Me: NO. (I go into the bathroom to look for the water cup. It's not there.) Shit. Is the water cup gone? (I go look in the bedroom. No cup.)
Pseudonymous Kid: Mama, if you have to go downstairs anyway. . .
Me (heading downstairs): PK, don't push your luck.
Pseudonymous Kid (calling after me): Mama! Get me a snack, too! Some cheese!*
Me: (grumble, grumble.)
Pseudonymous Kid: Please...?
Me: Oh, okay.

I bring up a cup of water and a slice of cheese.

Me: Here. Eat this and then go to sleep.
Pseudonymous Kid: Thank you.

Five minutes later.

Pseudonymous Kid: Mama, some cheese went up my nose!
Me: Drink some water.
Pseudonymous Kid: What? It's up my nose!
Me: Well, drink some water, maybe that'll wash it down.
Pseudonymous Kid: No, it didn't go up my nose that way. I put it up my nose.
Me: You what?! (Turning on the light.) Damn it. Next time you tell me at one a.m. that you are hungry and want a snack, PK, I am going to say, "remember last time you wanted a snack at one a.m.? And you put cheese up your nose?" And I will not bring you a snack.
Pseudonymous Kid: What's wrong with cheese up your nose?

*We have allowed cheese as the authorized post-tooth-brushing snack, on the grounds that the bacteria in the cheese will take on any bad, tooth-decay type pieces of leftover food. I have no idea if this is strictly true, but I like it in theory.