Giving Something Back: An Academic Snark
posted by Dean Dad
Why is it that whenever I hear someone use the phrase “I want to give something back,” my skin crawls?
This being rubber chicken season, I’ve been running a gauntlet of events for the last few weeks, with another week to go. These events usually involve acting as a sort of ambassador for the college, schmoozing with parents, donors, and big political muckety-mucks.
Other than being a largely-absent Dad for a while, it’s generally worthwhile. These are people who don’t work for the college, but who have been supportive of it, and it’s all to the benefit of students. So I suck it up, put on my game face and yet another suit, and dive into the scrum.
Still, there’s just something about that phrase...
It’s patronizing, certainly. “Now that I’m terribly important, I will also show that I’m virtuous by deigning to divert a tax-deductible sliver of my ill-gotten gains to a good cause. Aren’t I wonderful?” “Now that I’ve retired from my absurdly-lucrative real job, I’m willing to go slumming in that low-paying hellhole in which people like you work.” “See? We wealthy types are so naturally generous that you don’t need to tax us!”
That’s not to deny that, say, scholarships actually do accomplish good things. They certainly do. Nor is it to deny that contributions to the college are helpful, welcome, and yes, optional. And the few wealthy people who support us are obviously making a choice that other wealthy people aren’t making. No argument on any of those counts.
Still, it seems to me that flattery as the road to empowerment is, well, a limited strategy.
Maybe it’s the phrase itself. “Give something back” implies that something was first taken. Not earned; taken. If someone steals my car and sells it, am I supposed to feel better that he tithed ten percent of his booty to his church? I’m still down one car.
As grating as it is from donors, it’s much worse from prospective employees. It’s not unusual for downsized or early-retired professionals to show up asking for faculty positions, thinking that we’ll be tripping all over ourselves for the opportunity to bask in their reflected glory. They present themselves as willing to take one for the greater good by settling for a job I spent years in poverty to prepare for, and felt damn lucky to get. In the few occasions in which folks like that have been hired, when I’ve been around to see it, they’ve ranged from acceptably average to constant-pain-in-the-neck. They’ve never excelled, or even risen above average. They don’t want to; as far as they’re concerned, they paid their dues in ‘the real world,’ and they’re coasting across the finish line by teaching. No, thanks.
Don’t even get me started on ‘the real world.’ I’d like to give something back to the people who drop that phrase...
This being rubber chicken season, I’ve been running a gauntlet of events for the last few weeks, with another week to go. These events usually involve acting as a sort of ambassador for the college, schmoozing with parents, donors, and big political muckety-mucks.
Other than being a largely-absent Dad for a while, it’s generally worthwhile. These are people who don’t work for the college, but who have been supportive of it, and it’s all to the benefit of students. So I suck it up, put on my game face and yet another suit, and dive into the scrum.
Still, there’s just something about that phrase...
It’s patronizing, certainly. “Now that I’m terribly important, I will also show that I’m virtuous by deigning to divert a tax-deductible sliver of my ill-gotten gains to a good cause. Aren’t I wonderful?” “Now that I’ve retired from my absurdly-lucrative real job, I’m willing to go slumming in that low-paying hellhole in which people like you work.” “See? We wealthy types are so naturally generous that you don’t need to tax us!”
That’s not to deny that, say, scholarships actually do accomplish good things. They certainly do. Nor is it to deny that contributions to the college are helpful, welcome, and yes, optional. And the few wealthy people who support us are obviously making a choice that other wealthy people aren’t making. No argument on any of those counts.
Still, it seems to me that flattery as the road to empowerment is, well, a limited strategy.
Maybe it’s the phrase itself. “Give something back” implies that something was first taken. Not earned; taken. If someone steals my car and sells it, am I supposed to feel better that he tithed ten percent of his booty to his church? I’m still down one car.
As grating as it is from donors, it’s much worse from prospective employees. It’s not unusual for downsized or early-retired professionals to show up asking for faculty positions, thinking that we’ll be tripping all over ourselves for the opportunity to bask in their reflected glory. They present themselves as willing to take one for the greater good by settling for a job I spent years in poverty to prepare for, and felt damn lucky to get. In the few occasions in which folks like that have been hired, when I’ve been around to see it, they’ve ranged from acceptably average to constant-pain-in-the-neck. They’ve never excelled, or even risen above average. They don’t want to; as far as they’re concerned, they paid their dues in ‘the real world,’ and they’re coasting across the finish line by teaching. No, thanks.
Don’t even get me started on ‘the real world.’ I’d like to give something back to the people who drop that phrase...
Posted at 3:05 AM
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