Pseudonymous Kid is kind to vampires
posted by bitchphd
Pseudonymous Kid (waving a rubber bat in my face): Mama, I have an idea.
Me: Yes? Don't shove that thing in my face.
Pseudonymous Kid: It wants to suck your blood!
Me: Oh no! Don't suck my blood!
Pseudonymous Kid: Well, that's my idea. Maybe if we fed vampires blood from dead people, people who had already died because they were very old or sick, maybe then they wouldn't need to drink our blood. Isn't that a good idea?
Me: Um. . . . sure, I guess it's a good idea. Or we could feed them animal blood.
Pseudonymous Kid: Yes, animal blood and the blood of people who are already dead.
(a few minutes later)
Pseudonymous Kid: Mama, see this red pencil?
Me: Yes?
Pseudonymous Kid: It's not really a pencil. It's blood.
Me: Oh, like a straw?
Pseudonymous Kid: No, it's a special kind of blood that has been made into the shape of a pencil.
Me: I see. Is that for feeding to your bat?
Pseudonymous Kid: Yes. But it's not a bat, it's a vampire! It's just pretending to be a bat.
Me: I see.
(a few minutes later)
Pseudonymous Kid approaches, plastic coffin in hand, rubber bat stuffed inside, pencil sticking out the slightly ajar lid: Mama, see?
Me: Yes, is that so that the bat doesn't need to suck my blood any more?
Pseudonymous Kid: It's a vampire!
Me: Right, I'm sorry. The vampire?
Pseudonymous Kid: Yes. And see, this way it can just drink the blood and it won't have to go out and find people to bite. And see, the lid is still open a little bit, so that it can just push the lid off and go out to fly around and get some fresh air, if it wants.
Me: That's very kind of you.
(a few minutes later)
Me (to Mr. B): . . . so then he said the vampire bat could just push the lid off so it can get some fresh air. Isn't that cute?
Pseudonymous Kid: No! It's not a bat, it's a VAMPIRE.
Me: Right, my mistake. The vampire can get some fresh air.
Pseudonymous Kid: Although, in the case of being a vampire bat, you could call it that, because it is a vampire PRETENDING to be a bat.
Me: Yes? Don't shove that thing in my face.
Pseudonymous Kid: It wants to suck your blood!
Me: Oh no! Don't suck my blood!
Pseudonymous Kid: Well, that's my idea. Maybe if we fed vampires blood from dead people, people who had already died because they were very old or sick, maybe then they wouldn't need to drink our blood. Isn't that a good idea?
Me: Um. . . . sure, I guess it's a good idea. Or we could feed them animal blood.
Pseudonymous Kid: Yes, animal blood and the blood of people who are already dead.
(a few minutes later)
Pseudonymous Kid: Mama, see this red pencil?
Me: Yes?
Pseudonymous Kid: It's not really a pencil. It's blood.
Me: Oh, like a straw?
Pseudonymous Kid: No, it's a special kind of blood that has been made into the shape of a pencil.
Me: I see. Is that for feeding to your bat?
Pseudonymous Kid: Yes. But it's not a bat, it's a vampire! It's just pretending to be a bat.
Me: I see.
(a few minutes later)
Pseudonymous Kid approaches, plastic coffin in hand, rubber bat stuffed inside, pencil sticking out the slightly ajar lid: Mama, see?Me: Yes, is that so that the bat doesn't need to suck my blood any more?
Pseudonymous Kid: It's a vampire!
Me: Right, I'm sorry. The vampire?
Pseudonymous Kid: Yes. And see, this way it can just drink the blood and it won't have to go out and find people to bite. And see, the lid is still open a little bit, so that it can just push the lid off and go out to fly around and get some fresh air, if it wants.
Me: That's very kind of you.
(a few minutes later)
Me (to Mr. B): . . . so then he said the vampire bat could just push the lid off so it can get some fresh air. Isn't that cute?
Pseudonymous Kid: No! It's not a bat, it's a VAMPIRE.
Me: Right, my mistake. The vampire can get some fresh air.
Pseudonymous Kid: Although, in the case of being a vampire bat, you could call it that, because it is a vampire PRETENDING to be a bat.
Posted at 5:49 PM
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